Are
Women From Utopia And Men From Wal-Mart?
-
by Allie Ochs
It is surprising how many writers, psychologists,
or scientists have made it their life’s work focusing on
the gender differences. In our male-dominated society it
is no coincidence that men have undertaken the bulk of this
work. They made an effort to help men and women get along,
but deep down the sexes are much more alike than the world
cares to admit.
Today, most believe that men and women are significantly
different in every respect. The focus on these differences
has divided men and women, instead of bringing them closer
together. More importantly, it discourages both sexes to
grow and unify on a human level.
Still viewed as the inferior sex, women feel compelled to
assume utopian attributes such as nurturing to the extreme
and giving to the point of running empty. Women are expected
to live up to the expectations of their families, employers
and society. To add to their burden, they ought to stay slim,
sexy, attractive, loving, caring and emotionally balanced.
In their attempts to meet these expectations, many women
lose their identities, values, self-worth and even their
minds.
In contrast, the “superior” male sex has been praised for
its Wal-Mart attributes of being realistic, practical, efficient
and logical. Consequently, men still run the country, hold
most of the assets and control the majority of public and
economic affairs. Yet, men experience their own stress in
a competitive world that expects them to be the pillar of
their families. Many men are still programmed to be the sole
economic provider in their families and suffer their own
anxieties. Feeling the pressure of maintaining an affluent
lifestyle or even just making ends meet, many become workaholics,
grow bellies, lose their hair and become candidates for heart
attacks. Both men and women alike experience stress trying
to be super-humans in a society in which they feel they never
quite “cut it.”
Preoccupation with the differences often prevents men and
women from asking each other for help. Consequently, both
suffer silently through their own pain blaming each other
for their differences and lack of understanding: “Men are
never this” and “Women are always that.” As a result of the
generalization of their differences, men “shut down” and
women turn to friends, therapy or medication. The outcomes
are unfulfilling, frustrating relationships that increase
stress or even lead to divorce. Consequently, we wonder whether
men failed women, or vice versa.
So much effort and money has been spent (and made) on exaggerating
emotional, intellectual and communicative differences between
the sexes that we indeed believe ourselves to be from different
planets. We must look beyond the differences and realize
that women cannot live without Wal-Mart, nor can men live
without utopia. Women need Wal-Mart for the practical, logical
and task-oriented aspects of their lives and, in fact, may
be shopping at Wal-Mart more often than men. On the other
hand, men need utopia to experience all the beauty and humanity
of life, and are visiting utopia more frequently than they
admit. We are all from the same planet. It is about time
we bridged the gap between the sexes and realized that we
are human beings with many of the same needs, desires, dreams
and hopes.
Whatever the case may have been in hunting-and-gathering
societies of the past, today we are all hunting for the same
things. Men and women alike are hunting for love, happiness,
validation and prosperity, and are gathering whatever they
feel is necessary to achieve this. Now, more than at any
other time, men and women need each other in the pursuit
of these common goals.
Do we really think that investing in gender stereotyping
encourages successful relationships? Today, both sexes seek
to be loved and accepted, instead of being labeled. Do we
really think that lovers connect, because they have figured
out their gender differences? Love flourishes when both move
beyond gender differences and rejoice in their commonalities.
True love is based on mutual respect, moral responsibility
and authenticity all of which promote the human potential
of both sexes and allow for interaction without judgment.
Men and women are indeed living as if they are from different
planets and often do not connect intimately as human beings.
Gender differences have been analyzed to death, and we may
never be able to understand a man or woman. However, we will
always be able to understand and respect a human being once
we realize that we are all human beings first and men or
women second. Inside each of us, men and women alike, lies
a vulnerable soul, the desire to love and be loved, the need
to be validated, respected and to feel important. Regardless
of gender, deep down we all have a fragile ego that often
feels inferior. Recognizing that both sexes have many of
the same vulnerabilities and strengths is the key to men
and women relating to one another on a human level.
We need to free each other from the gender roles that society
has cast upon us and start focusing on the ties that bind
us. The commonalities between men and women are so much greater
than their differences. As we change our attitudes towards
each other, we will be able to relate to one another on common
ground. Lasting love is only possible when we appreciate
that our focus on gender differences has been of great disservice.
For any relationship to become a stable and lasting anchor
in our lives, we must learn to give up our pride and unrealistic
expectations of each other. If we are to find true love in
this misunderstood world of males and females, we must stop
trying to figure out the opposite gender and focus on the
human being inside.
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