5 Tips
To Keep Marital Bliss Alive After You Retire!
-
by Allie Ochs
Let’s face it retirement is a time of great
transition for spouses. Ample free time and drastic lifestyle
changes can be a burden or a blessing for your marriage.
Regardless of whether one or both spouses retire, the secret
to a smooth transition is planning before you retire. For
example, if one or both of you have been task-driven individuals
with their own careers, a 7/24 marriage may not be to your
liking. Retiring couples who have lived independent and relatively
separate lives may become frustrated and bored being joined
at the hip. Others may rejoice in spending more time with
each other. The most important step to take prior to retiring
is:
1.PLAN
AHEAD. Know your personality and design your golden
years accordingly. If you are a busy bee needing outside
stimulation, plan ahead how you will keep yourself occupied.
Get a part-time job, volunteer, write a book, get a pup,
complete home renovations, play golf, join an organization
or take up a hobby. Know what you will do with your excess
time before you get on each other’s nerves.
While retirement is a natural process of live, most retirees
experience the same effects as with the loss of a job. No
longer needed at work coupled with reduced social contacts
many retirees question their identities. Feelings of worthlessness
or even depression are common and can harm the quality of
your relationship. You owe it to yourself and your spouse
to:
2.LIVE
WITH A PURPOSE. Shift the focus from yourself to
others. Contribute your knowledge and life experience to
organizations. Get involved with youth groups helping young
people flourish. Socializing with your children and grandchildren
will keep you young and alert. Read, cruise the Internet,
exercise, learn a new language or skill. Do anything that
keeps your brain working and your heart filled with passion.
If only one spouse is retiring, conflict over who does what
and how time will be spent, may arise. The at-home spouse
may be expected to do more chores including those they never
did before. Arguments over time allotted for chores or play
may develop. To avoid conflict:
3.EXERCISE
MUTUAL RESPECT. As the still-working spouse,
don’t penalize your retired partner for having reached the
golden years. Respect that your spouse deserves the freedom,
time, enjoyment, respect and dignity of retirement. While
he or she can be expected to pitch-in more, respect that
your spouse needs the freedom to find his or her purposeful
life as a retiree. Again, talk about and plan ahead how time
will be spent prior to retirement, it will save you many
arguments.
Staying busy has proven to be beneficial for all retirees.
How to keep busy may vary from one person to the next. Because
of diverse expectations it is often difficult to find the
right blend of shared hobbies and time alone. Some couples
are thrilled to do everything together, while others need
and enjoy some time on their own. Allow each other to:
4.BE
HAPPY. Retirement should be a happy time. It is about
doing the things you couldn’t before. This could be anything
from sleeping in to travelling to unknown places. Anything
from learning about astrology to helping provide clean water
in an undeveloped country. Whenever possible you should support
your spouse to live a happy retirement in alignment with
his or her personality. Always remember, your partner is
just as important as you are.
Many retirees use this time to strengthen their marriage.
Previous work distractions and time commitments often lead
to stale marriages. Now is the time to create intimacy and
secure marital bliss in your sunset years. Get busy and:
5.KEEP
THE LOVE GOING. Love is not something that you have,
it is something that you do. Now that you have more time,
be romantic. Plan for romantic dinners, movies, vacations
or picnics. Compliment each other, cherish each other and
surprise each other with romantic treats. Take time to talk
to each other, communicate your feelings, your fears and
your passions. Make love whenever possible, it is a sure
way to create intimacy. Remember love has no expiry date
and a loving relationship is your ticket to glorious golden
years.
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