Are
You Fit To Love?
-
by Allie Ochs
This is the
most important question you’ll ever ask yourself. Let’s
face
it, our relationships are extremely
important. Yet, often they are the cause of pain and struggle.
Single or not, societal standards convince us that we can
have it all. Much of the available relationship advice compels
us to go after everything we want. Sadly, for many it is
not working. Climbing divorce rates and more singles seeking
love are proof that our attitudes are counterproductive.
Our expectations have become highly unrealistic. Rarely
do we look in the mirror and ask: Am I fit to love? Today's
relationships are failing because of deterioration of character.
It is time we made a point of building long-term relationship
success based on the strength of our characters, instead
of clever-minded relationship strategies.
Great relationships require great characters. We simply
must become better people for each other. Becoming fit to
love is a powerful wake-up call for the brave. It will dramatically
improve our relationships or our chances of finding love.
The happiest people are those in exceptional relationships.
They are heavily invested in their most valuable asset: their
relationship and have an abundance of life’s most precious
commodity: love. They all have one thing in common: they
are fit to love. At the heart of all exceptional relationships
are three universal principles: mutual respect, moral responsibility
and authenticity and here is what it means:
Mutual Respect: Your partner is just as important as you.
Our partner’s dreams and hopes are as important as our own.
This principle requires us to think of our partner as our
equal. Given that our generation has made history as ambassadors
of our “me first” society, we are more concerned with getting
what we want. For Bill, everything revolves around golfing.
He spends every weekend at the golf course while his wife,
Jane, looks after their two small children. Extra money
from their already tight budget is spent on Bill’s hobby.
Stuck at home with toddlers, Jane has little freedom to
do or buy anything special. Despite Jane’s complaints Bill
seems completely aloof to the fact that he is disrespectful.
Relationship conflicts arise because of different perspectives.
Lovers argue over who is right, instead solving the issue
in their mutual best interest. The struggle over unresolved
issues leads to resentment even when there is love. Love
and respect take a backseat and the relationship deteriorates.
This dangerous game is the reason why many relationships
fail, when they shouldn’t. Instead of trying to change each
other or putting our needs first, we must realize that our
partner is just as important. In grabbing hold of our partner’s
beliefs we show that we respect our partner. If conflict
arises and we cannot agree, we should simply agree to disagree
and continue to talk with respect. Without mutual respect,
it is impossible to create loving relationships.
Moral Responsibility:
You are always morally responsible to those with whom you
have relationships.
We live in a
society that elevates self-fulfillment above
anything else. We seek self-fulfillment at any cost, even
at the cost of others. Regardless of how often we have
heard that we are not responsible for our partner’s happiness,
we are still responsible for his or her well-being. Love
is a moral responsibility to another person. We blame our
partners if things do not work out without looking in the
mirror to see our own flaws. Yet, everything we think,
say
or do affects those we love.
Jennifer had lunch with her friend Sally at a quaint restaurant.
Jennifer could barley wait to share the details about her
affair with this young stud. Sally listened in awe as Jennifer
blamed her so-called inattentive husband, Paul. It was a
strange twist of fate that Paul sat behind the flower-decorated
lattice wall listening to every word his wife said. From
here on life took a different turn. Jennifer had deceived
her husband Paul and lost the respect of Sally. This is a
high price to pay for moments of sex.
In our quest for better relationships, we must make our
relationship a priority. We must focus on our relationship
not elsewhere.
Authenticity:
True love only happens when you are real.
Have you ever
found yourself laughing simply because everyone else did?
Agreed
with your partner’s opinion even though
you didn’t share it or said: “I love you” when you didn’t
mean it. Did you ever do something inconsistent with
your true self just to please someone or to get what you
wanted?
Of course we all have. We have lost the bravery to be
real!
For many there is quite a gap between the inside and the
person they present to the world. How about Toni, the dad
who rents a Porsche to impress his date, while being delinquent
in child support. Debby spends every Sunday at Grant’s parents
but resents it. To keep the peace, she refrains from claiming
some of these Sundays on her terms.
To be validated we often compromise who we are. Conditioned
by our environment we have become products of the culture
we live in. No matter how good we are at playing roles eventually
our truth emerges. Being fit to love means being real. When
we are authentic our relationships become real and we never
have to doubt them.
Regardless of the state of our relationships or how unsuccessfully
we have tried to find love we have the power to radically
change today. Mutual respect, moral responsibility and authenticity
are key to exceptional relationships. People in exceptional
relationships are fit to love and in the process they reap
some profound rewards:
· They
live much happier lives
· They cope far better with stress
· They have better sex more often
· They laugh more often and have more fun
· They are healthier and live longer
· They are more optimistic
· They feel more secure and stable
No wonder we envy these people. In times like these, laced
with tremendous uncertainty their relationships are like
rock-solid anchors. Mahatma Gandhi said: “A coward is incapable
of exhibiting love; it is the prerogative of the brave”.
Let’s be brave!
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