You
Don't Have to Break Down, When You Break Up!
-
by Damien Senn
Very few people would argue with the fact
that creating successful relationships is often one of the
biggest challenges we face as human beings. The strange thing
is that life can become even more challenging when they end.
But is it really necessary to break down when you break up?
Below are three simple ideas that will help guide you to
re-build your life on your own.
1. Become firmly grounded in the present moment.
If you find yourself on the other side of a relationship,
it is important that you have a deep awareness of what you
are feeling in the present moment. Continually check in with
yourself. Notice what is going on with you if you are experiencing
emotional upset. Your body is always in the present, but
where is your mind?
It may be very tempting for you to delve into your past
replaying events over and over again in your head. The reality
is, you can't change your past, so trying to do so is futile.
Just accept everything as it is. Find peace around the thought
that both of you were operating to the best of your ability,
given the circumstances, at any moment in time.
Equally futile is casting your mind into the future, wondering
what life could have, would have, should have been like
had you stayed with your partner. The truth is that your
future is going to look somewhat different to what you
may have previously anticipated. Do your best to accept
it.
If you manage to stay in the present moment, most of the
pain you will experience will be growing pains. You are transforming
from one state of being to another. It's not going to be
easy. Whether your new state of being is a good one largely
comes down to the choices you make. If you take responsibility
for where you are right now you will slowly begin to see
you life unfold as it should.
2. Breaking up with someone is a creative as well as a destructive
process.
It was Pablo Picasso that stated that 'every act of creation
is necessarily an act of destruction'.
Whether you like it or not, breaking up with girlfriend,
boyfriend, husband or wife is a creative process as much
as it is a destructive process. What you are in fact doing
is deconstructing your life with your partner and re-creating
your life where your partner takes on a different role to
the one they had previously. In extreme cases, you may even
decide that your partner will have no future role in your
life.
This creative process can be turbulent and it can also be
profoundly enjoyable and exciting. What you have is an opportunity
to start over. If it feels right for you, completely immerse
yourself into the creative process. Take the opportunity
to try as many new things as you possibly can. You may well
astound yourself with what you are capable of doing on your
own.
3. Allow yourself to regenerate.
If you are going through a break up allow yourself plenty
of time to regenerate. Focus on the things that you can control.
Make sure that you exercise regularly, eat properly and get
plenty of rest. Read, spend time with family and close friends
and spend plenty of time in nature.
Take things slowly, look after yourself and create the time
and space in your life necessary to allow yourself to start
growing again.
Remember two things.
However you choose to adapt to this change process, it is
of critical importance that you remember two things;
i) be kind to yourself and
ii) be kind to your ex-partner.
Whether your break-up was hard fought or amicable, extending
compassion to your old friend will help you both immensely
in the healing process. Remember that you are both beautifully
human, doing the best you can to navigate through this world.
Copyright Damien Senn 2005. All rights reserved.
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