KissMeGoodnight Article Series: Breakups
I Want My Ex Boyfriend Back!

Don't Re-Live The Past With Your Ex Boyfriend

If you want to get your ex boyfriend back, there's no reason to dwell on past mistakes. Rebuilding a relationship is a forward-thinking affair and getting stuck on past trials and tribulations can only complicate the process unnecessarily.

That viewpoint may seem counterintuitive. After all, don't we need to dissect the past in order to figure out what went wrong? Won't that information give us the right clues to prevent another break up after we reunite as a couple? Wouldn't a full accounting of the past better position me to do what it takes to get my ex boyfriend back?

The answers to those questions: No, no, and (you guessed it) no.

You don't need to become some sort of weird relationship forensic examiner to get your man back in your life. In fact, that kind of focus on the past can be very counterproductive.

First, dwelling on the past can lead to a kind of paralysis by analysis. You can get so bogged down in little details and thoughts that it prevents you from taking necessary action.

Second, the real reasons you broke up in the first place probably have very little to do with the discrete problems you'll dredge up and over-analyze. Break ups usually stem from a multiplicity of factors that combine to create a certain situations under a particular set of circumstances.

Third, focusing on past missteps and problems leads to a counterproductive problem/solution mindset. Instead of focusing on the big picture factors that can actually bring a man back into your life, you may find yourself trying to devise little systems by which to solve a series of relatively minor problems. Your time could be better spent elsewhere and most of the solutions you devise are probably inconsistent with the realities of your personality.

The past is history. History can provide us with some valuable information and it can have a big impact on our lives. However, we are not governed by the past.

It doesn't really matter why you broke up. What matters now is what you're going to do to get back together. That is where your focus should really be. On taking the actions necessary to create a great future.

People who get bogged down in the past aspects of their relationships often have the hardest time when it comes to rebuilding a relationship in the wake of a break up. Those people who have the most success quickly realize that it's high time to let sleeping dogs lay. Instead of dredging up bad memories and ripping off emotional scabs, they pinpoint their efforts on doing things that will successfully revitalize and improve the relationship.

Don't let your past bog you down. If you want to get together again with your ex boyfriend, you can do it. Don't worry about what happened before. Focus on what comes next.

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by KissMeGoodnight.com : 2009

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