Online dating tips and relationship advice from Dr. Neder...
Never
Give Up!
Hi,
I have a question: once I read one of your
articles explaining how to talk to a beautiful girl whom
we don't even know. The
article said that one should be confident and talk to her right
away. I did that very same thing. Building up every bit of
confidence I had, I went to her, greeted her and asked if we
could talk but the response on her face was like, "Who
the hell are you?" Is that normal? Is there any other
way in which I can impress girls and not get that kind of look?
Anonymous
---------------------------------- Hello "Anonymous"!
When you approach someone you have no way of knowing what
they've been through that day, week, month, year or lifetime!
Thus, you shouldn't even care what a person's reaction is.
It may be good sometimes or it may be bad sometimes. It doesn't
matter! As you get good at approaching women, you'll find that
your success ration soars. Just keep at it.
The best approach is to use humor when possible, but frankly,
not everyone is funny. Further, not everyone sees the same
things as funny as others. So, this can be a little difficult.
I look at everyone a little differently than most people do.
Most everyone sees everyone else as a challenge in some way.
I view people as my entertainment! I honestly believe that
people exist to entertain me.
For example, I'll be walking along with some
woman, and someone will walk past with a ring in his or her
nose and purple hair.
I'll turn to my date and say, "You know why that person
dresses that way?" She'll say, "No, why?" "To
entertain me!" I'll respond.
You should never worry about the response you get from someone
you approach, and yes, I know that is much easier said than
done. But, here are some reasons why:
1) You don't know how or why they react the way they do. Perhaps
they've been stalked, or maybe they've had a bad day. On the
other hand, maybe they've been unhappy because they're lonely
- and you just made their day by saying hello!
2) Nobody wants to be alone the rest of his or her life -
neither you, nor me, nor that cute chick at the end of the
bar.
3) It isn't for you to decide who any particular woman dates
or doesn't date - it's her choice, just like who you approach
is yours.
4) You're simply using the law of averages
to your advantage every time you approach someone. In fact,
I recommend to many
men that they don't try to go out and get "yes's" from
women - go get 20 "no's" instead! That seems contrary
to our goals here, but look at it like this: nobody (including
you) is so special that you can fail every single time! You're
going to find that in amongst those "no's" you're
going to get at least some "yes's". So what if you
get 20 "no's" and 5 "yes's" - you're 5 "yes's" up!!!
All the tools are important: build confidence,
learn to say "hello" and
make eye contact, strike immediately without waiting, and always
close, but the most important is: don’t worry about other people’
“issues”; NEVER GIVE UP!
Best regards...
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Have a love, relationship,
sex or man/woman question? I answer all email. You can write
to me at dwneder@beingman.com
for answers. For more information about my books, "Being
a Man in a Woman's World" (volume I & II), and other
products visit: www.beingaman.com.
Check out the discussion group at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/beingaman.
Copyright (c) 2004-2011, Dr. Dennis W. Neder
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