Oh! Sweet Approachable You!

Dear Sir,

I am a 28-year-old single mom and HS counselor. I am a busy person and enjoy donating time to the HS kids I work with and raising my daughter. My ex-husband and I share 50/50 visitation so I have time to date, but I seem to be running into a problem. I rarely date! I am constantly putting myself out there in many areas of the public, from church to clubs, singles cruises, thru friends, etc. I never ever get approached. I will say that I am very attractive.

I just don't seem to get approached. So with all given info can you help me to figure out why this happens. I am very outgoing and approachable. I make eye contact, and am aware of my body language. So my question is; what am I doing wrong? I do not want to be the one that approaches.

So with all that do you have any worldly advice??

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Hello!

One of the most common scenarios that women face is that; although they think they are using an "open posture" (body language), they instead are using a closed one.

What does an open posture look like? A person with this posture faces toward the action rather than away from it. They "square" their shoulders toward someone that they're interested in. They make repeated eye contact that lasts longer than just a moment. When they look away, they look down and to the side rather than directly to the side. They smile and appear bright, happy and engaging. They appear friendly to other people. They sometimes touch themselves like placing their hands against their face with the palm facing forward, or they play with their hair. They dance with guys when asked.

You can look at your own habits and see how they match this list.

Another mistake that women make is to focus on a single guy in a club or bar. While they are trying to attract that specific person, they brush off every other one that comes over. This is bad because other guys watch what a woman does and if she brushes guys off, they assume that she isn't approachable! So, accept dances with guys if you like the music. If you don't be cordial and polite when you decline. When you turn a guy down, always send him away with a smile!

I fully understand why you don't want to be the one that approaches. Approaching someone is difficult, but men have to learn to do this. If you won't approach someone you're just limiting your pool of guys! Many women have learned how to approach men, and have their pick of everyone in the club. You're only going to have the ones that you can attract - if you can attract them! Let me tell you, most guys are not in tune with these subtle gestures! Thus, you'll have to send them and just hope guys can read them.

I strongly recommend that you change your way of thinking regarding being the "approacher". There's nothing wrong with women approaching men in clubs. Will you get turned down? Yes you will! Welcome to the club. All guys go through this and it won't be different for you. Some guys are intimidated by this, but let me ask you: is this the type of man you're looking for in the first place?

If you still don't want to approach a guy, why not try something less intimidating. When you get up to go to the bathroom, there's nothing wrong with passing a guy you're interested in and saying, "Hello, I'm [your name]. I'd be interested in meeting you later." Then walking away. Believe me, the guy will get the message!

Best regards...

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Have a love, relationship, sex or man/woman question? I answer all email. You can write to me at dwneder@beingman.com for answers. For more information about my books, "Being a Man in a Woman's World" (volume I & II), and other products visit: www.beingaman.com. Check out the discussion group at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/beingaman.

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