Online dating tips and relationship advice from Dr. Neder...
"Divide
and Conquer" Approach
Hey Doctor Neder,
I am a big fan
of your articles. However, I'm a little puzzled on how a group
of guys can hook up with another group of girls. For example,
my three friends and I want to pick up some girls at a vacation
spot we go every summer.
If we see a group
of chicks, how do we approach them? Would we say something like
"Hey guys, how's it going?" or " Hi ladies, what's
up?" and then introduce ourselves and ask them where they
are from? How would each of us subtly get with the individual
we want without conflict? We aren't really the most experienced
guys when it comes to girls. We could really use some help.
Thanks so much.
------------------------------------------------
Hello!
When you're with
a bunch of guys, the most likely scenario is that one (or more
of you) finds one or two of the girls attractive - not the entire
group. Of course that doesn't mean that the "three (or
more) on three (or more)" (where each of you chooses a
particular woman), doesn't happen, it's just not as common.
The best bet is
always to use the "Divide and Concur" method. There
are a number of names for a method like this, but I like to
use the Chess motif. Here's how this works:
The guys decide
who's turn it is to be the "King" and this should
rotate each time you play. The King is the guy that is going
to approach a particular target and get her number (or more).
The other guys are "Knights" and their job is to help
break up the pack so that the King can make his approach.
One or more Knights
approach the pack of women and start a conversation. This isn't
difficult, especially because there are no demands on this approach
other than to start a conversation. When there is more than
one Knight you can even decide on the approach you want to use.
Just as when you're by yourself, it's always better to have
some "opener" that DOES NOT involve some stupid line.
However, even a line will work in this case, because the function
of the Knights isn't to try to get numbers, (although that may
happen), it's to separate off the target woman and make it easier
for the King to approach.
When the Knights
make the initial approach, they may just say, "Hello!"
and introduce yourselves. You might also have worked out something
else in advance, but the point is it really doesn't matter.
You're just trying to break the ice here.
Once you get a
conversation started, and things are moving along (this will
only take a couple of minutes), the King moves in. This is where
the Knights do their best work! The King walks over and stands
next to his target, (he tells the Knights who he's interested
in beforehand and thus, one of the jobs of the Knights is to
make sure the target is situated so that there's room for the
King to stand or sit next to her). Next, one of the Knights
introduces their friend to the group. The King then says hello
to the pack.
The next step is
very important. The Knights now continue to engage the rest
of the women in conversation, thus separating them from the
target, and the King can turn to her and say, "So, what's
your name?" or something else. this gives him a chance
to work her and get her number. He needs to keep this primary
mission in mind and should move her toward it though his conversation.
If things get going too long, the Knights can begin to "peel
off", and the last one tells the King, "It's time
to go." This is a great opener for him to ask for her number
so that they can "talk again".
Once the Knights
have done their jobs, they can then begin to pursue any of the
women in the pack in the same way the King is with his, but
don't forget your primary mission - helping the King.
When a group of
guys gets together to go out hunting, they should work out the
details beforehand. For example, the guys may get together for
dinner before a hunting session and discuss things like:
1) A review of
the ground rules - how the "Divide and Concur" approach
works,
2) The order each will be the "King",
3) How long you'll work on a particular pack and/or target,
4) Different types of approaches.
When you use this
approach there are a number of things to watch out for:
1) Someone "hogs"
being the King,
2) The King becomes engaged in talking with a woman, won't give
up his position and leave to act as a Knight,
3) What to do if a Knight fails to do his job and takes over
being a King instead, (he misses being the King the next time
for example).
The great thing
about this approach is that it works no matter how many women
are together, and it even works if there are other men in the
group! All you need is a minimum of two guys to work this approach
effectively.
By the way, I'd
strongly recommend that you get at least one copy of "Being
a Man in a Woman's World" and read it. There's no reason
why you should be inexperienced in these things when all the
philosophy you need is contained in one place!
Best regards...
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to me at dwneder@beingman.com
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a Man in a Woman's World" (volume I & II), and other
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Copyright (c) 2004-2011, Dr. Dennis W. Neder
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