The "Attention Whore" Rides Again!

Hi Dr. Neder!

I have read the excerpt from your book and INSTANTLY decided to order a copy. It will be here soon. You are the MAN!!

I have a question about the advice you gave the writer in this newsletter from 9/6 [regarding the “Attention Whore”]. It seems from my experience that when I've used these kinds of techniques, (i.e., walk her over to the schedule, bust her outright, expose her lie and more or less corner her into accepting my offer), that she just finds another way to squirm out of it later.

For example, she will simply not be home (or will not answer the phone) when I call on date day to let her know that I am on the way over, or she will preemptively call to say she can't make it because her 105 year old great grandmother had to be rushed to the hospital after falling down the fire escape, etc. What then?

I think you see what I'm driving at ... if I haven't done the "up-front" work of actually making her genuinely interested in hooking up, it seems like I am only inviting a more creative (and more disappointing) lie from her later, by sort of pressuring her to give me an immediate "yes".

There must be something I am misunderstanding. What am I missing?

Thanks!

-----------------------------

Hello!

First of all, why would you give a woman a second chance to cancel? When I set a date I never call to confirm. If she's agreed, I assume that she's responsible enough to write it down in her calendar or remember it. If not, (or if she calls at the last minute), I bust her on that too.

Second, we're talking about a level of interest. You see, you can't just set any old date with any old woman and expect this to work. She has to have some motivation to get to know you, which you discover during your initial approach. If she doesn't have this level of interest, no amount of begging or pleading is going to get her to go out with you – even if she gives you her number. I establish this up front (as you'll learn from the book) rather than to leave it to chance.

Third, with the attention whore, I use her lack of self-esteem against her. If she wants my attention, she has to play my game. When she does, she gets rewarded with AT LITTLE attention. If she doesn't, I make her feel like she lost out. Unfortunately, what most guys do is lavish attention on every woman without the expectation of getting something back for their time and effort.

Enjoy the book!

Best regards...

> Home > Dr. Neder Relationship Advice: Main Page

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Have a love, relationship, sex or man/woman question? I answer all email. You can write to me at dwneder@beingman.com for answers. For more information about my books, "Being a Man in a Woman's World" (volume I & II), and other products visit: www.beingaman.com. Check out the discussion group at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/beingaman.

Copyright (c) 2004-2011, Dr. Dennis W. Neder
All rights reserved.