How To Be The "Other Guy"

Hi Dr. Neder,

I have a situation that has me really confused and not knowing what I should do.

I met this woman by responding to a personal ad. She gave me her work phone and I called her and we talked but she was a little busy and asked me to call her back later, but I was unable to, and she sent me an email and was very upset that I didn't call her.

Anyway she was having problems with her mate at the time, then they ended their relationship and she called me often to meet her which I couldn't do so we lost contact for a few months then she emailed me again and we resumed talking again.

She was always trying to see me at a moments notice, and then finally we got together one day. She came to visit me and we talked and I held her hand and there was a lot of contact, she was very receptive to me talking and holding her and putting my arms around her and then I kissed her, it was a long kiss and then we kissed again and then I asked her can I have 1 more kiss and she leaned towards me and we kissed again.

She then asked when could she see me again and asked me to call her that night and I didn't and she left a message and she was upset that I didn't call her back, and ever since she has been very stand offish, but she makes sure I always know her contact info but she doesn't ever call me when she says she will.

I am so confused as to what to do next, but I feel she is attracted to me. What do you think about this?

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Hello!

Ok, here's exactly what's going on:

She is still with the "mate". However, she's going out looking for someone to have sex with behind his back, and you are that guy! Why do you think she's so specific about what information she gives you, when she expects you to call, and why she was so "touchy-feely" when you met, why she won't let you pick her up at her house, or give you her home phone number?

My brother, this is all about sex and that's it. If you want something more, you'll have to find another woman, but frankly, this may not be such a bad thing!

Be aware, that you moved too slowly the first time and that's why she pulled back. She came over looking for sex and you held her hand, and even asked her for a kiss! Just imagine what she's thinking: "Hmmm.. at this rate, I'm not going to get laid for another 3 months!"

Here's what you can do:

Call her and tell her that you are free on [date] at [time], and ask her to be at your place at that time. She'll give matey some excuse about having to work late, meet her girlfriend, have her cat shaved, or whatever. Have everything ready; wine, condoms, good lighting, soft music, your place cleaned up, etc., and start putting on the moves when she arrives.

To do this, use what I call the "Opening Kiss". This is a kiss you neither ask for, nor wait for. As soon as you open the door, pull her inside, and kiss her full on the mouth. There is a bunch of power in the opening kiss, and if you learn to use it, especially in situations like this, you're going to be "DA MAN"!

Here's a link to an article that talks more about this: http://www.beingaman.com/the_opening_kiss.htm

Now remember this: she is the "Minister of Information" in this relationship. That is, she controls what the mate knows and what he doesn't know. If, one day she gets angry with him and decides to bring him up to speed on her little extramarital escapades, whom do you think he's going to be gunning for? That's right - YOU!

Also, condoms are not optional or a luxury; they are absolutely mandatory! I don't care if she promises that she's on the pill, and even shows you where the Norplants were inserted into her arm. Use condoms every single time, and then, hide them when you're finished using them! You'd be surprised how many times women have actually gotten themselves pregnant by retrieving that little wrapper when a guy wasn't looking.

YOU are the responsible guy here, because if she gets pregnant, YOU will then be the responsible parent!

Best regards...

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Have a love, relationship, sex or man/woman question? I answer all email. You can write to me at dwneder@beingman.com for answers. For more information about my books, "Being a Man in a Woman's World" (volume I & II), and other products visit: www.beingaman.com. Check out the discussion group at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/beingaman.

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