Being Used - and Abused

Dear Dr Neder,

I am having problems understanding what the deal is with this girl, she is 17 and I am 20. When we first met we became friends and I eventually built up the courage to ask her out. She informed me at this time that had I asked her two weeks earlier it would have been "yes" but she had just met some other guy. I wasn't sure if she was just trying to let me down gently so just took it as a total no and went to get over it.

About one month later I get an invite to her house (just the two of us) and we watched her favorite cartoon movie that she had always said we should watch together. I took it just a friend's thing but then the next week she asks me if the dinner (the date) I had suggested was still up or was I over it. I said it was still open and we were all set to have this dinner. Anyway this dinner was changed to a picnic and since then nothing has happened. The original picnic had to be cancelled because of her sister's party. Since then I have tried to arrange another time to do it but she always has something on or wants to wait and see. Each time she always apologizes and says can we do it next week. I have said to her 3 times if she is sure she wants to give us a go and that to tell me now if she doesn't but she keeps saying she definitely does. I have no idea what is going on and this inability to arrange a time to go out together has been going on for 2.5 months now. Her excuses for not doing it have ranged from exams to family outings to haircuts. I am at the point where I am thinking I should just leave it but I still really like her.

I was just wondering if you have any suggestions as to what she is thinking and how best for me to handle it. Any other suggestions or comments on my situation would be much appreciated.

Thanks!

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Hello!

This woman has a number of issues going on. First, she isn't able to tell you "no" simply because she's an "Attention Whore". Her goal is to extract as much of your attention - whether she's with you or not - as possible. This feeds her ego.

I strongly urge you to completely sever all contact with her immediately. No phone calls, no email, no IM, no stop-bys - nothing! Wait until she contacts you. Then, take at least 2-3 days before you return the call/IM/etc.

When she asks you why you're not around, just tell her that you've had enough of her crap and disrespect! You are only interested in "mature relationships" - something she continues to prove she isn't able to give. Until she is, you have no further interest in her.

Then, DO NOT set anything else up with her! Every time you do this, you're just feeding her sagging ego and she gets the attention she wants - and you get slapped in the face. Let HER do the work!

Excuses like haircuts, family events, studying are insulting to your intelligence. Are you saying that she couldn't plan for these things? What the hell are you thinking? Get your balls back from her purse and put your foot down. Mostly stop letting her walk all over you - to her benefit and your detriment.

Best regards...

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