Online dating tips and relationship advice from Dr. Neder...
Building
a "Hip" Wardrobe
Hey dude,
My question is
about looking and attracting the right sort of attention. Being
an accountant and a violin teacher I obviously am "out
of touch" with the style of attractive clothing at the
moment. What would you recommend so that I don't spend heaps
of money, or look like a geek? By the way, I’m in Australia
if that makes any difference.
Hello!
First, I see no
direct correlation between being an accountant and a violin
teacher and "being out of touch". If you're out of
touch, it's only because you don't expand your own horizons!
If you're looking
to "hipify" yourself, here are some ideas:
The first step
is to create a persona for yourself. Try to imagine someone
you admire and how they would dress. You want to define your
"target market" - the women you're interested in pursing.
Where do these girls hang out? What are they looking for in
men? What type of men catches their eye? This is the "look"
you're going for. Remember also, you're not necessarily going
to dress like this all the time. You're only creating your "battle
wardrobe". These are the clothes you choose when you go
out hunting, so you're not going to need a lot of them.
This wardrobe needs
to be flexible enough to be mixed up. A simple black suit is
a good example. It works well at the opera AND at a job interview.
You can dress it up by adding a colorful tie, or dress it down
by adding a turtleneck sweater or open shirt, so think in terms
of flexibility when you choose clothes. Also keep in mind that
color is an important factor. If you stick with basic colors:
black, gray and navy blue, you'll have a wardrobe that will
work in most any situation.
Once you have an
idea of the type of women you want to attract and therefore
the persona you're trying to create, start reading some current
men's magazines like Esquire and Maxim (I believe these are
available down under). These mags are all about men's fashion
and setting a hip edge. Once you get an idea of what is trendy,
stop. Don't rush out and buy anything you see yet. Instead,
try to imagine how they are going to fit your target market,
and what adjustments you need to make.
What you want to
do is to refine the "look" you're going for. Just
because you see some guys wearing something in particular, don't
just adopt that style for yourself. You need to see if it really
fits the image you're trying to create. For example, a 40 year
old dressing like a 20 year old "gangsta" is just
sad. Consider that building your wardrobe is part of your overall
plan. This plan not only includes creating a current look, it
also involves defining specifically the women you're targeting,
how you're going to go about meeting them, what you want from
relationships in the short, medium and long-term, etc. If you're
not sure how to go about creating your plan, get a copy of "Being
a Man in a Woman's World" and read it through. It has 3
chapters, along with exercises dedicated specifically to creating
this plan.
Another key element
is to let women help you create this look. I recommend this
to guys all the time: get your sister, ex-girlfriend, a co-worker,
or someone else, (you probably should stop at your mother or
aunt, however), to help you here. Women not only have a great
eye to fashion, they can't wait to help "recreate"
you! Further, you should let them! However, if you don't have
a plan to work from, you're not likely going to be happy with
what they create for you, so don't try this without a plan!
Let them work within this plan you create for yourself by helping
you shop and showing you what fits with what in your new and
existing wardrobe.
When you're building
this wardrobe pay particular attention to your shoes and belt
- women will. If you have great shoes that are kept neat and
polished, and you have a belt that matches, you're going to
get big points. Also, watch the cut of the clothes. Well-chosen
clothes should improve your look, not take it away. Depending
on the type of women you're trying to attract, (and your physical
condition), form-fitting clothes may be a good choice. For other
women however, form-reducing clothes may work better - consult
that plan!
Remember this key
as you shop for a new look: being hip is in the attitude, not
entirely in the way you dress. You want to get yourself out
and start hanging around hip people. Clubs are one place to
do this, but the problem is you'll encounter a ton of "posers"
- guys that are there with a look and no substance. You have
substance; so can easily separate yourself from the pack. But,
keep an eye on the goal. A new wardrobe that fits your plan
is going to do wonders for your confidence. A poorly conceived
wardrobe will do just the opposite.
Finally, when it
comes to dating, relationships, and fashion, my advice is always
the same: don't be a follower, be a student!
Best regards...
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a Man in a Woman's World" (volume I & II), and other
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Copyright (c) 2004-2011, Dr. Dennis W. Neder
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