More on "Female Friends"

[Note to readers: “LJBF” = “Let’s Just Be Friends”]

Hey Doc Neder,

First, thanks for helping us guys through this jungle called dating! I've been increasing my knowledge with your book and articles so now I better understand why women think the way they do and it is as simple as passing their tests. But, don’t you get a swelled head, Doc! I can take on any situation a woman throws at me...well almost. I recently got hit with a case of 'let's just be friends' from a girl and I wasn’t entirely sure how to handle it. Ok, here's the deal:

We'd gone out and talked off and on for about 3 months. Everything seemed ok, but when it became nearly impossible to get her on a date, I knew this relationship was heading for the dating scrap yard. All of a sudden, she fell into depression, saying she wasn’t looking for a relationship, she has emotional problems, she feels she's ugly, not good enough for me, etc. etc. etc. I just think she didn’t want a relationship with ME.

Recently, I asked her for a date and she hesitated, saying, "I don’t know", "we'll see", "I'm not sure" so I called her on it. She then came clean and admitted she just wanted friends due to the excuses mentioned above. I didn’t buy into this at all. So, I applied your "all or nothing" attitude and told her I would walk away if I didn’t get what I wanted from it. She did come back after I left her, but she's still trying to force this "friends" bullshit on me, and she thought I was cold for rejecting her friendship.

Doc, you are right when you say girls don’t make good friends for us! I got burned every time I became just friends with a girl. They always tell me how great their new boyfriend is and they try to rub it in my face every chance they get. Many turn into attention whore bitches when LJBF as been let out on the loose! Besides, I can do the same things with a male friend as I can with a female friend minus the stress and craziness the girls bring with them! When this girl hit me with LJBF, I just knew it was over.

Ok, Doc, it seems this girl just wants me around because of her 'so called' depression. I did leave the door cracked for her to return (just like you stated) but I'm considering cutting off all contact with her for a while. Doc, being JUST friends with a girl doesn’t do anything for me whatsoever. I plan on going out to meet more women ASAP so she will drop on my priority list and it wont matter anymore.

I know even you have been hit with LJBF. What would you do in the situation I'm in? And do women think you're cold when you tell them you're not looking for just friends? How do you react? Thanks again Doc!

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Hello!

Sorry there, my brother; my head was swelled a long time ago!

Great work on the "friends" thing with this girl - your diploma is in the mail! Isn't it funny that women use "friends status" to try to do damage to men? I beg, plead, even trick men into NOT becoming friends with women they want to bang. Many get the message, but some ignore that valuable advice, become the friend, and then write me months later asking what she should do now that SHE has all the control!

Oh yes, I've been hit many times with the ol' LJBF's thing. It was only through getting my head kicked in that I was able to craft my position on the matter.

Here's my stance on the whole thing:

I don't want to be friends with any woman I've had a relationship with, and will actually avoid ANY contact whatsoever. If she wants to play, it's going to have to be my game or nothing. I will accept having a sexual friend, but even then, we don't go out or spend much time together. It's really just booty-call.

My response to "LJBF" is this: "No, I have enough friends, and that isn't want I'm interested in with you. If you're looking for male friends, I'm sure you'll have no trouble making as many of them as you need, but I'm not interested." Then, like in your case, they almost always come back with the hurt feelings, but I reiterate the point: "If you want me in your life, then you need to remember that we are boyfriend/girlfriend, otherwise I'm moving on."

Regarding the depression thing; let me offer this: everyone goes through depression some times. In this case, it sounds like she is trying to make YOU responsible for her depression (and misbehavior) as a way to get what she wants. If she is truly depressed, and it lasts more than a few weeks, she needs to get some professional help. You aren't qualified to give her this help.

Further, as an adult, SHE is responsible for getting it handled - not you. Trying to make you responsible by expecting you to stay her "friend" while she gets over it isn't reasonable. If she were your girlfriend, you would have other obligations to her.

Best regards...

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