Help Him Be Monogamous

Doctor:

Does a cheating man ever change? Is "Once a cheater always a cheater?" true? If you take him back will he be faithful to you from now on?

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Hello!

If you've read any of my other articles or my book, "Being a Man in a Woman's World", you know that I don't believe in the word "cheating". This is because, by it's very definition, EVERY man is a "cheater". The word doesn't really describe the situation properly. You see, by nature's design, (not mine) men are not monogamous in the first place.

In any animal species where few offspring are born, and the infant mortality rate is high (as it is in tigers, squirrels AND humans), males are pre-programmed to try to have sex with as many females as possible in order to pass on their genes to the next generation.

The concept of "pair-bonds" is actually a very new feature of our society! If you consider that humans have been on this planet for about 1.6 million years, (some scientists are beginning to think it's actually much longer - about 7.5 million years!), and we've been pair-bonding only for about 5,000 years, that means that we've been doing things a different way for fully 99.69% of the time we've been here!

So, what does that have to do with your question?

This: it gives you a great tool to help your situation. You see, while men aren't monogamous, we can CHOOSE to be! In fact, many do. So, here's the key to your situation: simply be the women for whom your man chooses to be monogamous!

Many "relationship experts" use this "once a cheater, always a cheater" statement because they don't really understand the situation. Consider, that infidelity happens in many relationships. That doesn't mean that the male (or female for that matter) is always going to cheat. For many it's a one-time thing. Most often it occurs because the person is looking for something they are not already getting.

I don't know the situation in your particular relationship, but I know this: your man can choose monogamy over polygamy if he wants to - many, many men do. He just has to have the right motivation to do so.

So, the question becomes this: what does it take for him to be monogamous? I don't know the specific answer, and right now, neither do you. That doesn't mean that you can't know it however. Consider that if you become the woman that gives him everything he wants in his relationship, he's not going to be looking elsewhere to have it fulfilled.

How are you going to know what these things are? Ask him! But, when you ask him, don't just sit down and say, "Ok, tell me all the things I have to do to keep you from cheating." You're not going to get anywhere with this. Instead, strive to understand him and his needs. Get to know what things he finds important in himself and in his relationship.

Then, all you need to do is simply adopt these things within yourself.

Best regards...

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Have a love, relationship, sex or man/woman question? I answer all email. You can write to me at dwneder@beingman.com for answers. For more information about my books, "Being a Man in a Woman's World" (volume I & II), and other products visit: www.beingaman.com. Check out the discussion group at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/beingaman.

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