The Classic "Attention Whore"

Hi Doctor.

This one is a bit complicated but that is the reason I am asking your advice.

There is a fairly new woman at work who is my direct subordinate. She has a husband with three kids. The woman seems to be playing games with me and it’s working!

When she first started I found her very plain looking and didn't think much of her. I'm younger than her and normally look at much younger women. However she is constantly touching me during conversation and is always in my face telling me stories etc. She must be good at what she does because I can no longer get her out of my mind and I can now only see her as attractive in all ways. She treats me differently from other male staff members in the way that she lets the other guys get away with sexual comments etc. but will not let me get away with similar comments. She gives me the evil eye if I say anything sexual.

When things seem to quiet down she then tries to start things up again by telling me she is having problems at home, etc. I've also noticed that she always plays with her rings and is constantly readjusting herself when talking to me. Does this mean she likes me or is uncomfortable around me? She even tells me she has dreams about me. The constant to and fro is driving me nuts. She is also the type of person that has male friends so I'm never sure if she just sees me as only a friend. Obviously I could just come out and ask her but whenever I seem to even move in that direction she puts up a wall and I wait for the whole process to start again. Am I reading things that aren't there?

Thanks

-----------------------------------

Hello!

Frankly, what I see here is a classic "Attention Whore" (AW) - and a big, big problem for you!

Since she's your subordinate, any sexual innuendo - even the most innocent can be grounds for all sorts of lovely fun over the next 10 years or so. Could she be playing with you anyway? Perhaps, but just the fact that as soon as you get into the game she pulls back should tell you something very important.

In my new book "Being a Man in a Woman's World II" I talk much more deeply about the AW. In fact, I devote an entire chapter to it as it is becoming much more of a problem today than when I wrote the first book.

Here's what you need to do:

First, pull back from her completely. Go strictly business in everything, even to the point of totally ignoring her come-on's and otherwise avoid her. Do this for about 2 weeks - don't miss, or you'll lose the effect. Then, go back for a week and be the engaging, charming guy she knows, then pull back again for 2 weeks.

You want to keep this up and watch her reactions. When you pull back, an AW will escalate their activities greatly. When you start to engage again, they'll pull back. This is the game, and is designed to get her as much of your attention as possible. Let's face it - it works!

At some point during the pull back, she's going to have to go so far that she can't retract, but I want to again stress that you've got to be absolutely consistent. If you're not and she sees you crack, her game will be back on and you'll have to start over again from scratch.

Best regards...

> Home > Dr. Neder Relationship Advice: Main Page

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Have a love, relationship, sex or man/woman question? I answer all email. You can write to me at dwneder@beingman.com for answers. For more information about my books, "Being a Man in a Woman's World" (volume I & II), and other products visit: www.beingaman.com. Check out the discussion group at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/beingaman.

Copyright (c) 2004-2011, Dr. Dennis W. Neder
All rights reserved.