The Problem Isn't Beauty!

Doc:

I have a very high standard for women. Only the best will do for me and I really don't like it but I guess it's because of the peer pressure. The better looking my girl is the cooler I am in their (my friend’s) eyes. Now the problem is that I can't find a hot girl that I like, that likes me back. I always get stuck in the friend position. How do I get them to like me, is there any special techniques I should know?

---------------------------

Hello!

There's nothing wrong with having high standards for women - the problem is that this usually means high standards in the looks department, not in the quality department. The fact is that most beautiful women aren't really great people; these "10's" are often "2's" in personality. You've done what 98% of all other guys have done (or, more to the point, HAVEN'T done), you haven't sat down to write out your goals and create a plan.

I tell guys this all the time: you've got to sit down and create a relationship "plan". If you don't do this, you're just planning to fail. Here's why: It's very, very easy to use looks as the only "goal" in meeting women, and yes, this may look good to your peers. Remember however, that they don't necessarily find the same things attractive that you do. Thus, you may be trying to pick up a "9" or a "10" when your buddies consider her a "6" or a "7".

The other (more important) point about a plan is that you're probably not just looking for a face and/or body - you're looking for a package. How do you know what things in this package are important? You have to decide these things up front. By creating a plan, you're actually "crafting" the woman that fits. Once this plan is created and you're working it, you'll know right off the bat which ones are your "10's" and which one's aren't - the looks won't matter as much.

Let's talk for a second about your self-image. Many people with self-image/self-esteem problems do what you do. I don't know you personally, so I can't say if this is true for you, but it's something to consider.

People with self-image problems actually do the opposite of what you'd think. You can imagine the guy with low self-esteem only approaching "4's", "5's" and the occasional "6". But, many do just the opposite - they only approach "10's". The reason for this is that their self-esteems make them believe that they won't get great women anyway, so they set themselves up to fail. They approach whom they consider to be the most difficult - and most likely women to say "no", thus fulfilling their expectations.

Again, the plan helps to counteract this. If you've created your plan and are working it, you'll instantly start seeing the possibilities in the women you approach, rather than the possible failures. You'll know which women are the right ones as soon as you talk to them and you'll spend your time there rather than on those you've that you're using to set yourself up to fail.

Need help actually building a plan? Read, "Being a Man in a Woman's World" as it has three chapters dedicated to this all-important tool.

Once you get this plan in place, then you can start using all the usual tools you’re already learning through DI to “convert” her. The problem here isn’t in technique, it’s in your direction.

Best regards...

> Home > Dr. Neder Relationship Advice: Main Page

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Have a love, relationship, sex or man/woman question? I answer all email. You can write to me at dwneder@beingman.com for answers. For more information about my books, "Being a Man in a Woman's World" (volume I & II), and other products visit: www.beingaman.com. Check out the discussion group at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/beingaman.

Copyright (c) 2004-2011, Dr. Dennis W. Neder
All rights reserved.