Women are Dumb!

Yep! That's right - women are dumb. Well ok, not all women are dumb but many of you sure do some dumb things when dating or in relationships.

I get letters every day that just make me shake my head. I have to wonder whether or not these people really want to be in happy, healthy, fulfilling relationships or if they'd rather play games, get abused, dumped or be just plain ignored.

Now, before you jump in and start telling yourself that you aren't one of these women, read on and let's see! If you've done any of these things, you might very well be a dumb woman!

1) Trying to negotiate away risks

Ok girls, reality check here: relationships are all about risk. Whenever you get involved with someone and start to fall for them you risk getting your heart broken. I'm sorry that's the way it is. If you don't, then you're avoiding investing yourself in the relationship, and you'll never have anything meaningful or fulfilling.

That's not my rule by the way - it was here long before I arrived. Men risk getting our hearts broken too just like you do. Don't ask us to take huge risks, jump through hoops or bend over backwards for you and then assure you that you'll never have to take any risks. That, my dear is just dumb!

2) Thinking you're the only girl we have our eyes on

Some men focus (actually, "fixate") on only one girl and then do everything they can to be with her. Of course, her most likely reaction is to push back because that's just far too much responsibility for any one person. These guys often wonder why women can't see what good catches they are.

On the flip side, the men women DO want to be with learn how to make you think you're the only one. That is part of our strategy with you. It doesn't mean that we won't choose you as hour exclusive partner, but don't think it's based on your great personality!

In fact, most guys that are worth your time have a number of things they want in order to trade their freedom for being with you exclusively. What are those things? Well, there are some obvious ones such as having a good, healthy sex partner, someone that's a team player, someone that has our best interests at heart, someone we find attractive, etc., but there are many others that are unique to each guy.

Here's some great advice: learn what your man wants in his life in order to willing give up his freedom and then simply be that woman. Doing anything less is dumb!

3) Telephone games

Oh, how I love this one! I get letters all the time from guys that meet great women only to not be able to get in touch with them again later - even when the woman really wants to be with him!

One example came from a nice, successful guy that met a terrific woman at a party. They really hit it off and exchanged phone numbers. Later on, they wound up in the guy's car for a make-out session. They agreed they'd meet again the next week and he said he'd call her.

Three days later, he calls her cell phone and there's no answer. He calls back again that evening and again, no answer so he leaves a message with his phone number and a request to call him back.

He doesn't hear anything from her for a week and decides to call her. Again, no answer so he leaves another message. In the meantime he meets other women and gets their phone numbers too, but wonders why, after two more weeks he never hears from the first woman. He talks with the friend that threw the party and she tells him that she just talked to the girl a few days earlier where she was raving about what a great guy he was and how she couldn't wait to see him again!

He never called her back, and neither would I. He asked me why she would do this, and I had to tell him the dumb truth - the woman didn't want to seem too interested, so she decided to be incredibly rude instead and not return his phone calls.

Ok girls, here's the rule: you return every phone call you get from anyone, and if you're interested in a guy, you initiate at least one phone call for every one that he initiates. Doing anything different isn't "strategic", it's just rude; and being rude is just, plain dumb!

4) Listening to other women to get a clear understanding of men

You read everything under the sun trying to understand men, but I suggest you look at the author's name before you take what you read as gospel. Let me give you one example of many.

One reader wrote to me asking if it was true that "men only want women that are challenges." She got this advice from a female columnist and was afraid that if she didn't turn down her husband sometimes when he wanted something, she was actually hurting her marriage. I told her that was pretty dumb - if she did that, he was eventually going to go find someone that wasn't a challenge, and she'd lose him.

She wrote back an angry letter telling me that I didn't know what I was talking about and how all men love a challenge and told me to piss off.

I'll bet you can already guess what happened a few weeks ago. I got another letter from the same woman telling me that her husband dumped her and she wanted to know how to get him back! Now it was my turn to tell her to piss off for being so dumb!

5) Becoming a crazy drama queen, trashing ex-boyfriends or expecting too much far too early

Don't unload how much you've been hurt in your past relationships on the first date! Don't expect us to listen to your stories about your vast mental illnesses. Don't tell us about the deep, 2-month-long depression you fell into when your cat died. Don't tell us about the guy you stalked in high school and for God's sake, don't expect us to change our lives for you in order to sleep with you!

Another thing you should absolutely avoid is trashing ex's on the first, second or third date. Look, we've all had bad experiences with people of the opposite sex. Most guys don't cry about it, so you don't often hear it. On the other hand, women seem bent on telling every guy she ever dates about the one that didn't call her back.

No guy that you'd be interested in is going to put up with this for very long. We may hang around and have sex with you, but we'll be gone right afterward and you'll be left wondering what happened. We won't tell you what happened either, we'll just be looking for someone that isn't neurotic or crazy, and that doesn't expect us to spend the weekend with her folks on the 3rd date. Any of this is dumb behavior of the first degree!

6) Dating jerks

Yes, I know; you constantly wonder why jerks are so attracted to you. Here's the reality: it's not that jerks are attracted to you, it's that YOU are attracted to - and seek out - jerks!

There's something dangerous and exciting about dating these guys and you honestly believe that you can change them from being jackasses to being the good men you believe they can be.

How dumb is that? Let me tell you - its way dumb!

You first have to decide exactly what it is that you want in your life. I hope that want is a healthy, happy, loving relationship with someone that respects you - and probably many other things. Once you decide these things clearly, decide that you're not going to chase guys that don't meet this ideal.

Hanging on to some guy that mistreats you, lies to you and is generally a jerk; all in the hopes you can change him is just dumb, Dumb, DUMB!!!

7) Ignore your sexual education and put on the breaks at every turn.

No, I'm not saying you should be "easy" (whatever that is!) but you'd better have some skills - and be able to use them. You need to understand your own sexuality if you want us to understand it because we're eventually going to give up trying to figure you out. Then, we'll go find the girl that does know hers and can explain it to us.

One great example of this is the guy I answered this morning. His girlfriend of 2 years refuses to get naked in front of him, do anything but have missionary sex and won't do anything with the lights on or anywhere but the bedroom. He gives her tons of encouragement and actually likes the way she looks, but she just puts on the breaks. He's now considering his options elsewhere. Big surprise.

If you're waiting around for that one guy that is going to unlock all your sexual secrets so that you don't have to do any work on yourself, you're pretty dumb.

8) Focusing on what you get, not what you give

I love reading women's bios in personal ads. They tell you a ton about the person. They all say, "I love to have fun and laugh", (Really? Wow, I've never imagined that anyone else could want to have fun or enjoy laughing before! What a unique girl she must be!), and then they rush head-long into a list of "must haves" from the guys.

This is both dumb AND clueless!

If you don't bring anything to the table, don't be surprised when great guys don't go rushing to be with you. Trust me on this one: you can have anything you want in your life if you bring enough to the table to get it.

One female relationship expert teaches a class for women on how to meet great, wealthy men. Her first question to the class is "how many of you want to meet a man that is in the top 5% income bracket?" Instantly, 100% of the women raise their hands. Then, she asks, "Ok, how many of you are in the top 5% of women here?"

Ouch! That's a pretty brutal lesson, but it speaks volumes. It's pretty dumb to think you deserve someone great without being great yourself!

9) Laying out your agenda for us

I once went on a date with a girl that spend the first hour explaining her expectations of me - exactly when and where we'd have our first kiss, when we'd have sex, and when I should propose to her! (No kidding!) Interestingly, the date lasted exactly one hour! I was out of there simply because I couldn't stand to hear what she had in store for me during the 2nd hour! This girl was certainly dumb.

10) Trading sex for anything else

If you like a guy and want to get to know him better, feel free to have sex with him when you feel ready. However, DO NOT tell him that you want something in return for it. In other words, don't expect that he'll then jump through hoops, spend the holidays with you, take you on a trip somewhere, buy you something expensive or freely give you his undying love and propose if you'll just have sex with him.

Here's a little secret you should understand:

With most men, sex is your ticket through the door with us, but it's not the deed to the house. Extremely few men will give you their hearts until we've been intimate with you. If you put a price on that, our reaction is to hold back - and withhold our emotional selves. At that very instant, our plans usually change. We'll give you some of what you want right up to the point to have sex with you, and then, we'll bolt.

Well, there is a list of 10 dumb things women do. It's not an exhaustive list, but it certainly should open your eyes.

Best regards...

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Have a love, relationship, sex or man/woman question? I answer all email. You can write to me at dwneder@beingman.com for answers. For more information about my books, "Being a Man in a Woman's World" (volume I & II), and other products visit: www.beingaman.com. Check out the discussion group at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/beingaman.

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