Online dating tips and relationship advice from Dr. Neder...
Confusing
Girl-Games
Hey Doc - I'm confused?!
I met a nice girl, she is funny, smart and all that I'm looking
for in a relationship. When I started talking to her, she told
me that she was looking for new friends because the other friends
she had would smother her and just try to get in her pants.
I invited her over my house for a football party. All of my
friends knew that I liked her and I thought she knew also.
I told myself that I'm not going to smother her just to let
her do what she feels is right.
Three days
passed and I found out that one of my close friends was going
behind my back, telling her
all kinds of lies just
to get in her pants. I saw them talking a lot and he was drunk
but I let them talk because I said to myself, "That's
my friend and he's drunk and he already has a girl and, she
can handle herself."
The next weekend and we were all supposed to go out 4-wheeling
and I couldn't make it. Since I wasn't there he tried to get
with her some more. She soon found out what he was trying to
do to her and she told him to leave her alone and then found
out from everyone else that he was making up lies about me.
We both sat down and talked about everything and it was all
better but she feels like she caused all this to happen. Now,
when she hangs out with me everything is ok but when everyone
is over she gets quiet, depressed and upset all the time because
she likes me and I like her but she doesn't want everyone to
think less of her and talk about her as if she did something.
I don't want to loose her and I've talked to all of my friends
and everyone but her knows that she didn't do anything wrong
and they aren't going to think less of her. All of my friends
like her and their girlfriends like her too. I just don't know
how to make her understand that it's not her fault so she could
be back to herself.
----------------------- Hello!
You know, this sounds like a classic attention grab by this
girl! I know you don't see it this way, but trust me, it's
absolutely textbook!
First,
let's talk about this "friend". If you really
consider this guy a friend, you're making a huge mistake. I
don't care how drunk this guy was. There's a rule: "Bro's
before ho's" and it applies here. If he had any knowledge
that you were interested in this girl, he had no business hitting
on her and if he were part of my crew, we'd all kick his ass
to the curb and that would be the end of it. This guy is no
friend of yours, trust me. He's out just for himself, not his
bro's.
With this girl however, she just set everything up nicely.
She's trying to control things to the degree that you're no
longer even able to make a play for her. She's given you all
this crap about guys trying to get into her panties - well
d'uh!!! So what? Are you telling me that if she met Brad Pitt
she wouldn't be trying to get into his jeans?
So, here you sit with her having set all the rules. She comes
over and you can't do anything to move things forward because
SHE'S given you all these rules - and even proven it by turning
down your friend and creating all this drama between you all.
She must be some kind of master at all of this.
Really
dude, what the hell do you want here? Are you looking for
a female friend or something more? Letting
her hang around
your friends just enforces that friendship between you and
she. She's not going to just see what a great guy you are and
fall head over heals for you. She totally set you up here and
you just fell for it, proving to her that you're not "boyfriend
material".
As far
as making her understanding this crap about not being her
fault - in fact, it was ENTIRELY her
fault!! Why are you
giving her such a pass? Because she has a vagina? If she had
wanted to shut him down, she could have done it in 2 seconds.
Women are masters at this too. Come on - you'd never do that
for any of your buddies (or maybe you would considering this
loser "friend" of yours!)
Stop this madness already. Let her grow up and be an adult.
You're not helping her by trying to ease all the tension. That's
something she has to do herself. What you ARE doing in all
of this is just proving to her why she shouldn't be interested
in you.
Best regards...
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