Online dating tips and relationship advice from Dr. Neder...
Keeping
My Boyfriend Sexually Attracted
Dr. Neder:
I read one of your articles about how to keep my boyfriend
interested in me sexually. You said to try to change things
up but honestly I feel like I just want to be myself because
if he fell in love with who I am then why should I change just
for him to show interest in me again?
He says that he would like a challenge and play hard to get
sometimes and to tell him no more but, I feel like I'm playing
games and I'm not exactly into it. Please try to help me figure
out a way to get his interest back for me without me having
to feel like I have to put on an act and be someone I'm not.
--------------------------- Hello!
Let me tell you a little story:
One day, this inventor created the world's greatest mousetrap.
Never before had anyone ever seen anything so impressive! He
was very proud of his work and just knew that he'd become a
multi-millionaire because of how great his new invention was.
The problem was that nobody bought it.
If it was so great, why didn't anyone buy it? Simple: it cost
$200 each and was so complicated to use that nobody could figure
it out.
So, rather than change his mousetrap, he went about trying
to convince everyone how great it was, but they didn't listen
to him. They said nice things to placate him, but in fact,
they still didn't buy his mousetrap.
Finally,
as an old man at the end of his life, he was just bitter
that everyone else was "stupid" and
just couldn't see his vision.
..and everyone
kept buying mousetraps for $1 that were "good
enough".
So, why did I tell you that story? You're becoming that inventor.
You're convinced that your boyfriend should just like everything
about you without you having to change or grow or do anything.
You shouldn't give him what he's asking for because it means
you have to do some work.
So, one
day, he'll dump you and go find some woman that WILL give
him what he wants. Then, you'll be left
bitter and unhappy,
believing that he's "stupid" for not knowing what
he had. Unfortunately, he'll never know what he had because
all he could see (and remember) was that girlfriend that didn't
want to put out any effort to be what he needed and she figured
it should just be "good enough".
There is
nothing in this world that is more wasteful that this sort
of attitude. It's not an "act" or
a put-on or anything like that to be what your boyfriend
wants you to
be! In fact, it's all about relationship management.
Sure, you don't want to have to be the only one that works
hard to manage your relationship, but that doesn't mean it
takes no work whatsoever! Every relationship takes work and
you know exactly what work yours needs. You should be very
happy that your boyfriend actually TOLD you what he wants -
many guys (and girls!) just think you should already know and
get angry when you don't!
Now, with
all of that said, I'd caution you to get the REAL story from
your boyfriend. Honestly, I seriously
doubt that
he always wants you to tell him "no". Maybe he wants
that once in a great while, but trust me; no man wants to have
to constantly work for his partner's affection!
This is likely his way of telling you something else. What
that is, I don't specifically know. Perhaps he wants to you
to take on a character that challenges him where he has to
become a little more aggressive with you or something like
that.
Be careful about reading in the wrong thing here - go talk
to him instead! Communication is THE aphrodisiac. Get a very
clear picture of what he wants and then simply become that
woman. You'll never lose him if you do this, but you're actually
showing him the door if you don't.
Best regards...
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Have a love, relationship,
sex or man/woman question? I answer all email. You can write
to me at dwneder@beingman.com
for answers. For more information about my books, "Being
a Man in a Woman's World" (volume I & II), and other
products visit: www.beingaman.com.
Check out the discussion group at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/beingaman.
Copyright (c) 2004-2011, Dr. Dennis W. Neder
All rights reserved.
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