Online dating tips and relationship advice from Dr. Neder...
Learning
to Communicate
Hey Dennis,
I need some help on communication. I have trouble with communication.
For some reason I am just not effective at communicating; especially
with women. I really just don't know how to communicate effectively.
I've heard that the key to communication is to listen, ask
questions about the other person when communicating, and to
make eye contact. Is this the key? How do I become a professional
at communication?
-------------------- Hello!
There are two separate issues with communications. The first
is simply to connect with someone else on a basic level. You're
more or less on the right path, but I'll give you some better
ideas how to make that work in a minute.
The second aspect is to directly and specifically create rapport
and connection which leads to attraction. Let's look at the
differences.
When you meet someone new that you're not interested in romantically,
(maybe a friend or coworker for example), using the first type
of communication is fine. You find out about that person and
share aspects of yourself. This is what most people do with
communication.
Many people
think that communication of this type is talking. Nothing
could be further from the truth!
In fact, it is listening,
but listening with intelligence behind it. You can learn to
ask "open-ended questions" (see my FAQ's at my website:
http://beingaman.com, then click on "self help")
that give the other person a chance to talk about their favorite
subject - themselves. Eventually they walk away thinking what
a great communicator YOU are because they just couldn't stop
talking - about themselves! See how this works?
The problem with this is that you're not building rapport
or real connection or (especially) attraction. Thus, it's not
enough when you're talking to women.
This is
where the second type of communication comes into play. This
is a thing I call "power communication".
It's about using communication in very specific ways with very
specific goals.
In my books, "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II" I
go into 4 different communication "models" or "CM's".
CMs are used to build quick attraction in someone you've either
just met or have known for a while. Here are the four CM's
I teach:
1)
Male vs. Female Model
2) Motivation Model
3) Neuro-Linguistic Programming Model (NLP)
4) Sexuality/Suggestibility Model
When you
either match or counter a person's specific CM, (or 2, 3
or all 4 of them) you build incredible
connection with
that person. They begin to see you just as they see themselves.
You become a "kindred spirit" which brings you close
to them. They feel trust, comfort and deep connection.
As you
get closer, they also begin to feel affection for you; just
as they do for themselves! I can't
tell you how often
I'll meet a new girl, determine and match her CM's and have
her say, "You know, I feel like I've known you all my
life!" Interestingly, she has! She's looking in a mirror!
You can see how powerful this sort of communication skill
can be! You can use it with anyone by the way - not just with
a girl you've just met. We are all pre-wired with facilities
that make it possible for us to interact within our societies.
Much of that interaction is about connecting with others and
especially building bonds with others - particularly those
of the opposite sex. That's how humans have stayed around on
this planet!
We've evolved these systems specifically for this purpose.
I strongly encourage you to learn these systems really well
and to use them to your advantage. They are extremely powerful
things!
Best regards...
> Home > Dr.
Neder Relationship Advice: Main Page
- - - - - - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
- - -
Have a love, relationship,
sex or man/woman question? I answer all email. You can write
to me at dwneder@beingman.com
for answers. For more information about my books, "Being
a Man in a Woman's World" (volume I & II), and other
products visit: www.beingaman.com.
Check out the discussion group at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/beingaman.
Copyright (c) 2004-2011, Dr. Dennis W. Neder
All rights reserved.
|
