Online dating tips and relationship advice from Dr. Neder...
Which
is Best - Same or Different?
Hey Doc:
I have a question which might sound a bit unusual but; do
relationships work best between people who are different or
people who are similar?
--------------------------- Hello!
Actually, as with so many things, it depends!
Obviously, it's a good idea to have some things in common
such as hobbies, nationalities, religious/spiritual beliefs,
etc., or at least have a respect for your partner's beliefs
if they are different.
On the other hand, there are many aspects where opposites
are far better. For example, if you're heterosexual, being
the opposite sex from your mate is better.
I teach
a number of "communication models" that
both describe and predict behaviors. In most cases it's best
for certain models to be the same. This helps to develop rapport
and connection because we feel most comfortable with our own
systems. In other cases, it's better for the models to be opposite.
In short, there isn't an easy answer to the question!
One interesting thing however is that when we first meet someone,
we tend to use many different communication systems! We do
this subconsciously in order to create that rapport and connection
I talked about earlier. However as the relationship progresses,
we often revert to the system that is most comfortable for
us - particuarly when there is conflict.
How many
times have you said (or heard), "You're just
not LISTENING TO ME!!"? Probably at least a few times.
So, we tend to get even heavier into our own communication
models and re-state it over and over again, getting nowhere.
This is the time to break out of what is most comfortable
for you and to try to expand the communication system in order
to speak to your partner in their own model.
Understanding these models isn't particularly difficult but
there are a lot of facets to it. For much more check out my
books and website.
Best regards...
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a Man in a Woman's World" (volume I & II), and other
products visit: www.beingaman.com.
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Copyright (c) 2004-2011, Dr. Dennis W. Neder
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