online dating
dating tips and relationship advice
kiss me goodnight : dating tips
Discover The Secrets To Understanding Men
What Men Want From Women.
How to captivate a man, have him fall in love with you,
give you the world
and never want to leave.
[ Be That Woman Men Absolutely Adore ]



     

Online dating tips and relationship advice from Dr. Neder...

 

You Better Know How to Handle a Woman's "Test"!

 

Hey Doc!

I met this girl a couple of months ago and we started to hang out. At first she said she only wanted to be friends when I made a move so I just blew it off but she continued to call me all the time wanting to see me.

One night we went out, and she kept on flirting with me and getting mad when I would check out other girls, by the way this whole time I would go from being a nice guy to being something of a jerk, and before the night was over, we were making out. I never really asked her out or anything, but she made it seem as if we were together. She would always call me and tell me that I better be "only hers".

I left for two and a half weeks on vacation and when I got back I called her and she said that things had happened since I left and that she had gone back to her ex-boyfriend. I said, "Well, ok, but what about us?" She tried to make some lame excuse that I never talked to her about starting a serious relationship with her so she didn't think I wanted one. I just said "whatever" and ended the phone call.

This seems to happen to me a lot. The girl seems really into me and then in about 2-3 weeks she wants to break up! At first, I was being too needy by always calling them and bugging them, but the last couple of times I've completely changed my approach by acting like I didn't really care if they called or not.

To make matters worse, my last few girlfriends call me to check up and tell me they still think about me and miss me every three-four months. They call and say they were just thinking of me and wanted to hear my voice. Why is it that they don't want to be with me but then don't really want to let me go either?

------------------------------

Hello!

Welcome to a little thing I call "The Test".

Many years ago when I first began my research into all of this, I began noticing a pattern. This pattern happened in every relationship I ever had (and still have!) and with every guy, in every relationship they had too! It was a very odd situation (always different of course) where the woman they were seeing would pull something totally unexplainable and out of the blue, just like your situation.

I began to realize what this was, and why women do this.

First, women aren't going to get you to be the guy they want in the relationship through brute force. Thus, they've had to "evolve" a series of tools to make this happen. The most important one is what I call, "The Test".

The Test happens in EVERY SINGLE relationship, usually early-on within the first month or two. It's ultimately a way for women to determine who is going to be the person steering the ship; so to speak. By the way - it'd had better be you!

You see, women understand that someone has to be the man in the relationship. If you're not going to be him, then she has to be. That means that she doesn't get the chance to be the woman. By being the leader of the relationship, you actually make a woman feel "safe" and "feminine".

By not being him, she'll either do one of two things:

1) Continue to Test you; or,

2) Reluctantly become the relationship leader

Most women will eventually move on after a while of either of these things. Here's an interesting thing however: this behavior is so ingrained in women, most of them don't even know that they do it!

So, what exactly is The Test? It can take any number of forms and you've seen some of them already. In general, you'll know The Test by the following:

1) It's totally out of the blue and unexpected.

2) It can happen at any time - like just getting back from vacation, getting ready to walk into a movie or when you come home from work or school.

3) It always has an emergency component to it - the relationship will seem to live or die based on your response.

4) How you deal with The Test will be the deciding factor.

The Test is never about the particular issue she brings up however! It's always about control. For instance, some women will wait until you're about to fall asleep or watch some favorite program and will then ask, "Honey, where is our relationship going?" Other times, she will be very close, loving, caring and happy and then will turn instantly (like your vacation example).

The way you handle The Test is always the same. You first recognize it for what it is - just a Test - nothing more. Then, you see that this is about control, so you put aside the supposed "issue" and deal with the relationship itself. The point however is to be active and involved - not nonchalant about it.

By being nonchalant about things, you are actually inciting The Test. If you just pull back and say "whatever", she has to Test you in order to see if you're serious! On the other hand, if you deal with it head-on, she'll know you're serious and won't Test you again unless she thinks otherwise. This is actually a response to feeling insecure about the relationship!

In your example, you didn't bother to "define" things when they got started and actually left that to her. That's why you got Tested. With your ex-girlfriends, they would like you to be the guy that can pass their Tests too and that's why they keep calling.

With this last situation, you should just say, "You know, I'm not interested in being your friend - I already have enough friends. If you want something more then just say so or stop calling me." Notice how this sets the tone for a relationship? Doing nothing or being too casual creates nothing and gives her nowhere to go.

You can't avoid Tests - even relationship has them. You can become an expert at passing them however. Just learn to recognize The Test; set your path through it and run that path by being active and involved. If you do this every time, you'll find that soon, you get no more Tests - and very happy girlfriends!

Best regards...

> Home > Dr. Neder Relationship Advice: Main Page

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Have a love, relationship, sex or man/woman question? I answer all email. You can write to me at dwneder@beingman.com for answers. For more information about my books, "Being a Man in a Woman's World" (volume I & II), and other products visit: www.beingaman.com. Check out the discussion group at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/beingaman.

Copyright (c) 2004-2008, Dr. Dennis W. Neder
All rights reserved.

Related Channels:

 
 
Dating Tips: Trying to Reconcile With My Girlfriend Jun 26
Dating Tips: The Rebound Relationship Jun 26
Dating Tips: Attraction and Love Formulas Jun 26
Dating Tips: How Do I Get Him To Marry Me?
Jun 3
Dating Tips: I Have Small Breasts, Will He Like Me?
Jun 3
Dating Tips: Understanding The Dumb Dating Games All Girls Play
Jun 3
Relationship Advice: Top 5 Ways to Nurture A Positive Relationship Jun 17
Relationship Advice: How To Find Your True Soul Mate Jun 17
Relationship Advice: How To Find The Loving Relationship You Seek Jun 17
Save My Marriage: Top 7 Marriage Tips for Newlyweds in Trouble Jul 1
Save My Marriage: Why Does A Marriage Require Work Jul 1
Save My Marriage: Marriage Problems Don’t Happen Overnight! Jul 1
Save My Marriage: Mistakes That Married Men Make Jun 10
Save My Marriage: Mistakes That Married Women Make Jun 10
 
 
 

Like This Article?
Want More?

Click Here To
Connect To
This Channel's
Index Page.

Fast, Fun & Free.
Get Instant Results!

Are You
Relaxed As Rain
OR
Crippled With
Anxiety?

40 Question Quiz.

- - - - - - - - - - - - -

Spectacular
Self Esteem
OR
Self Love
In The Toilet?

20 Question Quiz.

- - - - - - - - - - - - -

Are You
Self Empowered
OR
Complete Coward?

10 Question Quiz.

New Channels:

Nice Guy Dating Tips
(1,174 views)

Dating Tips For Women
(700 views)

Hot Channels
For The Past 7 Days:

Ask Dr. Neder (Dating)
(5,075 views)
Relationship Advice
(4,296 views)
Beauty Secrets
(2,449 views)
Cold Love Life?
(2,204 views)
Sexual Health
(1,961 views)

Lingerie
(1,471 views)
Wedding Tips
(1,358 views)

Seduction
(936 views)

Top How-To's
For The Past 7 Days:

Foreplay: How To
Stimulate a Woman

(871 views)

Romantic Nicknames
(408 views)

Lingerie For
a Pregnant Mom

(376 views)

How To Make Small
Eyes Lok Bigger

(362 views)

Reading Romantic
Body Language

(316 views)

Difference Between
Love & Lust

(315 views)

Valentine's Day
Gifts For Men

(316 views)

Romantic
Kissing Tips

(257 views)

Why Women Cheat
in a Relationship

(222 views)

Romantic Date
Night Ideas

(204 views)

Make Thin Hair
Look Thicker

(198 views)

Long Distance
Relationship
Romantic Ideas

(197 views)

Dating An
Older Man

(195 views)

Romantic Ideas:
Be Creative

(182 views)

Conversation Starters
on a First Date

(175 views)

Expressions Of
Love & Romance

(161 views)

Why Men Cheat
in a Relationship

(148 views)

Nice Guys:
Am I In Love?

(147 views)

10 Creative
Marriage Proposals

(129 views)

[ more... ]

Never Feel Insecure Again!
Discover How To Boost Your Self-Esteem & Confidence.

50 Secrets Of Blissful Relationships
Discover What The Top 1% Of Couples Know. Never Fight.

How To Deal With A CHEATING SPOUSE
Save Your Marriage and Your Sanity Before It's Too Late.

How To Fix Your Sexless Marriage
5 Facts You MUST Understand First.

The TOP 3 Self-Help / Life Improvement Products
Ranked In Terms Of Popularity & Satisfaction.

500 Lovemaking Tips & Secrets
More Passion & Intimacy From Oprah Romance Expert.

100 Great Sex Games For Couples
Improve Foreplay, Lovemaking, Explosiveness & Passion.

The Ultimate Guide To Talking Dirty
In Just 5 Minutes You Could Be Driving Your Man Wild.

How To Stop A Break Up or Divorce
I've Helped Helped 6,100 People In 67 Countries.

Save My Marriage Today
Put An End The Stress & Anxiety Of What To Do Next.

 

Be The Woman Men Absolutely Adore
Learn The Startling Secrets To What Men Find Irresistible.

Why Did He Stop Calling Me? Why Doesn't He Call?
101 Reasons Why Men Stop Calling & What To Do About It.

How Do I Get Him Back?
Oprah Expert Reveals How To Get Your Man Back.

From DUD To STUD In Just 14 Days
Transform Your Appearance & Skyrocket Your Sex Appeal.

Pickup, Dating And Seduction Guide For Men
Learn How How To Approach Any Woman, Anywhere.

The Ultimate Lovemaking Manual For Men
Make Your Woman's Entire Body Quiver With Pleasure.

How To Find The Man Of Your Dreams
A Proven Step-by-Step Plan for Finding the Love of Your Life.

1,000 MUST-ASK Questions For Couples
Test Your Compatibility And Grow Deeper In Love.

The World's Most Romantic, Unique & Fun Date Ideas
300 Creative Dates. For Singles Or Married Couples.

Relationship Hypnosis @ Home. Have You Tried It?
Over 530 Professional Downloads From Leading Educators.

Home | Self Improvement | Small / Home Business | Home Improvement | Advertising | Technology | US Elections & Politics
Relationships / Dating | Autos | Gardening | Pets / Animals | Shopping / Hobbies | Sports | Travel | Merchant Accounts
Free Stuff & Freebies | Directory / All Channels | RSS / XML Feed | Privacy Policy | Contact | Site Map

SolveYourProblem.com Downloadable "How-To" Guides

AddThis Social Bookmark Button      AddThis Feed Button

© Launch 3, LLC All Rights Reserved