Establishing Posture

Hey Doc,

Take a look at this situation that has happened over the past week. This is new to me, and I've actually encountered a lot of new things out of women since applying your techniques. Ok, here's the deal:

About a week ago, I met this woman through a personals site. We talked on IM for one day (about 30 minutes) and we decided to exchange numbers. I called her up, and we decided to get together for a date. It was fun and she kept saying how much she wanted to cook for me, go out, have fun, etc. Ok, so the day of the date comes and of course, she had an excuse that she had to work late, things just came up, blah-blah-blah. You already told me how to handle this, and I did.

I said: "I really don’t appreciate you breaking our date. I really don’t have time to waste with women who aren’t interested!" then I hung up, (I know, I should have waited for her response, but all she kept saying is I'm sorry over and over and didn’t know how she was going to make it up to me and I didn’t want to hear anymore of her excuses about being "busy"...).

Ok, so later that day she calls me and leaves a message on my voice mail (I didn’t answer when she called). She said: "I'm really sorry for not returning your calls and standing you up on our date. I was wrong but I have a lot of pressure on me lately and it's hard for me to go out right now. I hope you're not mad at me because I still want to talk to you later. Bye." So, a few days later I call her up and we talked and she was trying to explain that things have been really busy with her and her job and Christmas shopping, etc. etc. I wasn’t sure if she was sincere or not so I said "Since you're too busy to go out, I'm going to have to move on. I don’t have any time to waste with these games". Then I hung up.

She called back later and apologized again and asked ME out on a date! Plus it was a spur of the moment date. I couldn’t believe it...this "Being a man" is working like crazy! Unfortunately, I had to decline because I already had made other plans but she SEEMED really sincere and she got her ass off the pot when I called her on her crap.

When I said I couldn’t go tonight, she said: "Ok, but I still want to go out with you. I want to reschedule." If I had just let it go and not called her on it, I doubt this would have happened. A lot of guys just automatically discard women that start off "testing us" like you say. Of course to us men, these tests look more like games so we tend to get frustrated. Although some women DO play games, from what you say they are mostly tests. Well, it's a good thing I found this out because I feel I've discarded more women than I had to. If I had just called them on their shit, it's possible some of them would have actually changed their perception of me and went out.

Well, all of this is new to me. Since adopting your attitude I'm seeing more and more positive reactions coming from females! So, what do you think about this "busy" chick I mentioned?

Thanks, Doc, for your advice!

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Hey Brother!

Great job!!! I'm very proud of you - you handled this like a textbook case!

Consider this: you called her on her bad behavior; she apologized and even called you up to ask you out. That's just how it should go. Consider too that you now need to "open the door" to let her to make good on her promise.

You do this by either:

1) Accepting a date from her, or,
2) Offering her a date

Let's look at each of these.

If she calls you to ask you for a date, you should simply accept - AND expect her to pick you up, take you out, etc., etc. Basically, all the things YOU'D do if you were the one calling! Also, there is nothing wrong with expecting her to kiss you or even more!

On the other hand, if you call her to ask her out, you should expect her to keep the date! It doesn't matter how "busy" she is. Even if she has something already planned! You can just say, "That's ok - just cancel your plans and I'll pick you up at [time]."

So, what's really going on here?

First, you've established "posture". That is, you've established the ground rules for the relationship (if any) from this point on. You're the "man"!

Second, you've created value. You've placed yourself - and your time - in high value in her eyes.

Third, you've created expectation and tension. She is going to rethink her time with you and will be expecting your call!

Finally, you've changed the playing field entirely. She doesn't "have to" go out with you - she "gets to" go out with you!

My brother, always remember this important lesson - it's not the date that's ultimately important - it's what you do to get there!

Best regards...

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