Building the Relationship

Hey Doc,

I received the first book ("Being a Man in a Woman’s World") last week or so - excellent work! I’m already starting to adjust parts of my approach with women and am starting to see real results! Thanks, man!

I've been seeing this woman for a few months, and things are going well. The problem is, there's a lot of extremely stressful stuff that's just started in my life, and it would be helpful for me to talk with her about it.

My question is, how the hell do you walk that line where, on one side sits you could fall out of favor as her "man" by seeming to complain about things (which I’m not doing at all), and the other side seems to be your sanity, (or lack there of)? I don’t want to appear needy or weak and have her pull away.

I go to the gym, run, play ball and it goes away for a little while, but then it's back. The stress is so high that I need some support in all of this and just have to get it off my chest.

Thanks for your help.

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Hello!

I fully understand about this stress - and the need to share it with a partner. This might be a good time to start growing your relationship with her because only within the context of an actual relationship would this be acceptable! Obviously, if you start trying to unload this now, she might get the impression that you’re more a complainer than a man of action.

On the up side, (as long as this is what you think you want), opening up about some of the stressful things in your life is one sure way to being the processing of growing the relationship! Women want to be part of their man’s lives. By opening up in a clear, directed way, you’re effectively "letting her in" rather than looking wimpy.

You might start by saying, "Man, things have really been stressful recently!" She's likely to ask you how and you can give her just the thumbnail sketch about it. You can even ask her what she does when she gets overwhelmed. This gives her a chance to "out herself" before you! Thus, you maintain the male part of this relationship and she gets to open up enough to give you some room. Do you see how this works?

By the way, I'm assuming that you already have at least a sexual relationship with her. If she sees you as only a friend (no sex) then she likely would never want to be bothered with your issues. That's a good sign it's time to dump her and move on, thus relieving one area of stress for you.

Best regards...

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Have a love, relationship, sex or man/woman question? I answer all email. You can write to me at dwneder@beingman.com for answers. For more information about my books, "Being a Man in a Woman's World" (volume I & II), and other products visit: www.beingaman.com. Check out the discussion group at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/beingaman.

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