Exploring The Approach

Hello,

I would like your opinion about an approach I plan on using on a girl. She is very hot, but of course I wasn't going to tell her the say thing most guys do, ("Oh!, Your so beautiful.")

I realize that it is best to NOT shower girls with compliments, but I do want to get her interest, and make her think I make her feel special. Actually, I want a lot more than that, but I think you get what I'm saying.

She is a hairdresser, and she says she "adores life and never loses optimism". I was going to compliment her hair, saying that she looked like a queen with her hair like that (she had it done up in a fancy do), and that perhaps she'd look even more elegant with it down by saying, "It reveals the lustrous color of your hair. You have very beautiful hair." She describes herself as a "common girl", so that might add a different twist to the compliment that she looks like a queen with her hair like that.

I figured this is a meaningful compliment that she will appreciate, since she is a hairdresser and obviously cares a lot about her hair, and that it won't come across as bland like "You're so pretty." Hopefully it will create some interest and attraction - and at the same time I am not making myself appear desperate by making it sound like I would do anything in the world to sleep with her.

I was also going to say, "You seem to have an equally beautiful outlook on life. I can tell this not only because you mentioned it, but because of your warm smile. I bet you could brighten a dark room and make a sad person happy to be alive". Again, I'm trying to avoid sounding like I am drooling over her.

Does it sound obvious that I am complimenting her hair because she is a hairdresser, and her smile because she said she never loses optimism? Perhaps I am missing something. Perhaps these are lame compliments, and maybe they are a bad idea.

I'd appreciate your honest opinion please.

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Hello!

You're absolutely right about compliments - DO NOT give them. Every guy does that and every girl is wary to it. Further, if she's an "attention whore" you're just going to play right into her game.

Along that line, I'd absolutely avoid the "queen compliment". This isn't a powerful position to come from. Could you imagine James Bond, or Tom Cruise's character in "Top Gun" using something like this? Of course not! You want an approach that is direct and powerful, not weak.

You should ALWAYS stay away from complimenting someone's physical features. After all - they didn't do anything to get them - they were born with them. Thus, this is always the weakest position to take, and is seen as such by women. As well, I'd stay away from her hairdo - one of the other hairdressers probably gave it to her!

If you absolutely must compliment her (I still recommend against this), do it in an off-handed way. Here are two examples:

1) Say, "You look like you have an evil side to you! [pause] Are you into something dark, or is that just how you protect your soft side?" This will get the conversation going so that she can tell you about her - always a good thing.

2) Say, "You know, you seem like a nice person to date, but you're a little older than most of the women I spend time with!"

Let's look at this last one. Here's what is going on: the reason why you can use this is that it is a pseudo-compliment, but a challenge at the same time. "Older than" is a challenge to her. You see, you've already told her that you'd consider dating her and that she will have to seem "younger". This is what you want to do - give her something to strive for! You'd be surprised how often this works.

Of course, with both of these "approaches" you're going to have to have something behind them. In the first case, you'll need to be ready for her to say either "Yes, I do", or "No, I do not" and have somewhere else to go with it. You can finish up with, "You seem like a very interesting lady. Give me your home phone number and I'll call you sometime for a drink to continue this."

With the second, you also want to "close". Here's an example: regardless of what she says, or even if she gets indignant, just say, "Well, ok - I'll tell you what. Give me your home phone number, and I'll call you sometime and you can see if you can prove that you're really younger than you seem."

My brother, it's not just in the approach, it's in the close too. Never use a compliment as an approach - it sends the wrong message, and makes you look weak. For more, check out "Being a Man in a Woman's World".

Best regards...

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