Come On, Tell Us "The Truth"

Dear Sirs,

First of all I want to congratulate you for your great site and advice! However, I want to express my difference of opinion with several things you say. Your rules are fine, but I really disagree in the fact that they are the most important things

For example, how often have you seen a beautiful woman with ugly and poor guys? I know there are a lot (more than the average person might imagine), but that's the exception not the rule. I also know that there are "speed seducers" and people with similar skills, but unfortunately the average man can't master these techniques

Why do you rank physical appearance so low in importance? It's not mere coincidence that the most attractive guys get the best, the prettiest, even the most intelligent women.

Not that your views are wrong exactly. In fact, I consider your advice to be excellent. But I can't accept that you give men hope without telling the whole truth. The surest way of getting girls is to have a great physical appearance and a good financial status.

Why not come out and tell us the whole truth?

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Hello!

Thanks for the comments on the site - we aims to please!

Let me deal with the issue of "speed seduction" and related techniques first. The fact is that most of this is a bunch of hooey. I've spent many years studying all sorts of "pick-up techniques" including SS and know what I'm talking about here. SS is supposedly about hypnosis and "Neuro-Linguistic Programming" (NLP). I have also studied both of these very intently, and understand the concepts very well.

Frankly, it doesn't matter what "system" a guy puts into place since most guys don't do anything anyway. Or, they try a "scatter gun" approach without any understanding or technique behind their methods. Here's the fact; if a guy will just do SOMETHING, he's going to get AT LEAST average results. Believe me, nobody is so special that they can fail every single time!

On the other hand, if you use systems that are based on real experience, like DI, and on the heavy research found in my book, "Being a Man in a Woman's World", those success ratios go way up. These "systems" are based on sound understanding of how women (and men) think and act. The fact is, any guy that wants better, consistent success with women either has to do this research on his own, (mostly through trial and error), or pick it up here.

Now, let's talk about the "looks issue". I deal with this fairly often. Many guys have convinced themselves that women are primarily interested in a guy's looks. They figure that they aren't models, and THAT must be why they aren't successful. They even point to things they've read in magazines like Cosmo and New Woman - or just about any publication that deals with any aspect of relationships - that state that "women want attractive men."

Of course, people don't bother understanding the BASIS of that statement. They simply take it for fact, and work (erroneously) from its premise. Here's what usually happens: some "researcher" (usually the writer of the article) asks a bunch of women, "Are looks important to you when considering a man for a relationship?" The overwhelming majority of women respond with "yes".

But, that that isn't a fair (or in research parlance: "well formed") question! It doesn't take in account any of the "standard" research foundations. They could just as well have asked, "Is a nice car important?" or "Is someone who can give a good backrub important?" or "Is a gerbil lover important?" (Ok, scratch that one!) In almost every case, women would have reported "yes"! That's the reason why the question is asked in the way it is - because it supports the basis of their article, but not necessarily fact!

In my research, I ask women this question: "What's THE MOST IMPORTANT aspect in a man that you find attractive?" Notice how I am not "leading" the question. So, what's the #1 answer I get? It's not "looks", and in fact, I have never gotten that as an answer even once in the more than 1,000 women I've asked this question! The #1 most common answer is... (I feel just like a game show host!)... CONFIDENCE. By the way, the #2 most common answer is: a sense of humor. However, when you go further and ask why this is so, women say, it's because a man with a good sense of humor comes off as confident!!

When I do my personal coaching and "hunting" seminars (where me and a number of guys get together for a day of study and then an evening of "hunting" - actually putting that study into play), we beat the "looks issue" to death because many guys carry this misinformation. Just take a look at some of the more obvious examples around you:

* Julia Roberts and Lyle Lovette
* Paulina Porizkova and Rick O'Cassic (from the band "The Cars")
* Just about any woman and Gene Simmons (from "Kiss")
* Lisa Marie Presley and Michael Jackson
* Meg Ryan and Dennis Quaid
* Andie McDowell and Rhett Hartzog (look him up)
* Catherine Zeta Jones and Michael Douglass

There are thousands more, but you get the idea. I'm using “Hollywood couples” as examples because you know them, but look around you. Do you really think that the best-looking girls only date the best-looking guys? My brother, you're not paying attention if you think so! I personally know of hundreds more examples from everyday life. I also know of many guys that have "model looks" that can't even get a date!

So, your next reaction is likely to be, "Well, but these guys have large wallets, and THAT'S why they're getting these girls!" No, I sorry, but you're wrong there too. Believe me, Lyle Lovette doesn't make anywhere near what Julia Roberts makes a year. Meg Ryan is much more highly paid that Dennis Quaid, and Rick O’Cassic is earning very little these days, according to his wife. That doesn't mean that success isn't important, but it's just one more thing, and not the MOST important.

Believe me my brother; the "whole truth" is that looks are not very important. If you are malformed, you may have an issue, but if you're any one of the 95% of the population that is "average" looking, you're right there in the game. Don't let looks hold you back - it's just an excuse!

Best regards...

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Have a love, relationship, sex or man/woman question? I answer all email. You can write to me at dwneder@beingman.com for answers. For more information about my books, "Being a Man in a Woman's World" (volume I & II), and other products visit: www.beingaman.com. Check out the discussion group at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/beingaman.

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