Learn the Game From The Beginning

Hello Dr. Neder,

I think I have a serious problem with women. I blame it on my stepmother and traumatic life in my childhood. I have no confidence, conversation skills, or game when it comes to meeting woman on the street. In fact there is a fear that even keeps me from approaching women. After a few drinks, I have a little better luck at clubs, but I always loose out to the rest of the male competition.

I have only managed having relationships by flirting with my co-workers that have to come to work everyday.

I'm successful and have a good income so I have resorted to going to strip clubs to try and pick up on the woman there because it’s easy. I recently went to Jamaica a few times and met this beautiful girl named Julia. We hit it off, and I have been in touch, she also had a bad childhood so we connected.

To make a long story short, we used the "L" word, I helped her out a few times monetarily, and she couldn't wait for me to come back out. I went back out there and she stayed with me in the hotel for the week, the first day was cool, but the next four days she was bored with me, I had no ability to have a conversation with her. She said it was because it was that time of month, and that she was a very moody person. But I know it was me, I think I love her so I need to know what I can do to help myself with this problem. Where should I start to get help?

Please Advise,

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Hello!

The very first thing you need to know is YOU ARE NOT ALONE! Almost EVERY man has many of these same problems - although not usually to this degree. The up-side is that there ARE ANSWERS!

Let's look at what you need to do:

1) GET EDUCATED! Most men make the mistake of trying to "wing it". They keep trying the hit or miss method until they discover that nothing they've tried works. Then, they give up. YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO THIS! Many of our brothers have gone before you and figured out what DOES work. Joining Dating-Insider and reading my book, "Being a Man in a Woman's World" are great places to get an education. These two things alone will do so much to help you get over all of this. So, don't cheat yourself, GET EDUCATED!

2) BEGIN TO UNDERSTAND WOMEN. You see; women don't want to be alone the rest of their lives anymore than you do.

3) STOP SPENDING YOUR MONEY! This is a huge mistake, and will actually PREVENT you from finding women! Sure, strippers will hang around while you act like a human ATM, but as soon as that stops, so does the attention. What's really bad about this is that you don't have to do it! There are far, FAR better ways to get what YOU want without having to spend much at all - if anything!

4) CONFIDENCE COMES FROM INSIDE - not outside. Nobody "gives" you confidence. It is a gift you give yourself. The only trick is knowing how to do this. Here are three articles from my website that will help tremendously:

http://beingaman.com/confidence_through_self-hypnosis.htm
http://beingaman.com/fake_it_until_you_make_it.htm
http://beingaman.com/faked_confidence_revisted.htm

5) SUCCESS DOESN'T HAPPEN BY ITSELF - you have to develop it. However, you CAN develop it! I see guys all the time in my hunting sessions and through my interviews with the same problems you've described here. These guys lose out to others because they don't make the effort. They are hampered by fear and doubt. There is nothing wrong with fear, and in fact, you may never get over it entirely. What IS bad however, is being controlled by it. You should look forward to that anxiety - it helps to improve your performance. Don't seek to eliminate it, seek to control it.

My brother, you CAN DO THIS! The only "failure" is not getting started. So, GET GOING! You have nothing but success to look forward to if you do. Then, as you master these skills, remember - many men feel the same way you do, so find 5 others, and help THEM with what you learn.

Best regards...

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Have a love, relationship, sex or man/woman question? I answer all email. You can write to me at dwneder@beingman.com for answers. For more information about my books, "Being a Man in a Woman's World" (volume I & II), and other products visit: www.beingaman.com. Check out the discussion group at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/beingaman.

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