Get Serious!
( or get away from me )

Hey Dennis!

First off, this is “J” from San Diego. I wrote you back on the 5th about the girl I work with, (hopefully you remember me). Anyway, I just wanted to let you know what has been happening with her since my last letter to you.

Over the last few weeks, I have tried to remain a challenge to her, and have been giving her little bits of positive/ fun attention here and there, along with the "interested/ not interested" technique, which seemed to work quite well.

At one point, we even had what seemed to be a full, VERY energetic conversation. She was really touching me like crazy (for emphasis--she's a "physical-visual" type) and she was mirroring all of my actions, and was very comfortable (judging from her pupils being dilated and there being lots of time between her eyes blinking, etc) in short, her body language told me she was having a GREAT time.

Since then, I've been trying to build anticipation (attraction) by keeping her at arm's reach, but still showing interest in her from time to time (but very rarely). This seemed to work well the first time (hence the conversation I described above), and that brings us to tonight.

Tonight at work, I did some of the same things I described above, starting the night out with making her laugh. Then I ignored her for a while, etc. At the end of the night, I left to go to a different department. Just before I got off for the night, I went back to where I was originally working to find her. I approached her and had the following conversation with her:

me: Hey, ____, I want to take you to get some tea one of these nights. Is Tuesday night or Sunday night better for you?"

her: "J"......(gasping for thoughts), to get some what?? Some tea?

me: Yes.

her: I......can't...because I...I..work every single night. Keep in mind this was a flat out lie, I checked her schedule before I even asked her!

me: oh REALLY? (Now, I’m ready to bust her)

her: (Regrouping her thoughts) Are you serious? I can never take you seriously.

me: Yes, I'm serious.

her: Well, I have off Tuesday night.

me: "Well then why don't we do it Tuesday night?---slight silence (she couldn't think what to say)---Be ready for me to pick you up at 7:30.

her: (She cuts me off), J....I can't....I..........can't do this with you.....

To which I said: "Ok then – no thanks. I'm only interested in people who are serious." (With a smile on my face) and began walking.

At this, she grabbed my shirt and tried to pull me back like she wanted to give me a speech or something, but after a moment, she let go. I guess she wanted to keep me there!

As I walked away from her, she said something like "I can't because it's my only day off." (This is a lie by the way, because her schedule said she was off on Tuesday, Saturday, AND Sunday!)

BUT I WAS ALREADY GONE!!

And I knew she was just coming up with excuses, but I don't think she expected me to "fight through" them.

____QUESTIONS____

What do you think I should do now? I don't work with her again until Thursday. I feel like I should pretend she had no effect on me with her so-called "rejection", however, I also feel like she may try to feed me some sympathy story or "let's just be friends" crap. How should I respond to this?

What else do you think I should I expect from her?

Should I give HER another chance at all, or will this be yet another "more trouble than it's worth" story?

What could I have done better, and what should I do in the future?

Is she a dreaded ATTENTION WHORE?

I know she was trying to play me, but I tried to let her know I wasn't buying it. In a way, I wish she'd just come clean, but I guess she never will.

Please let me know your opinions on this.…and thank you for caring!

p.s.: I *LOVE* “Being a Man in a Woman’s World”, but I think you already know that.

-----------------------------------------------

Hey “J”!

Yes, I remember you!

First, good job with this woman! You really covered the bases nicely and are well on your way. You have a couple minor issues you'll need to address, but I'll get to that in a moment.

You definitely have her off-balance. That's exactly where you want her, (and she wants to be!) So, now all you need to do is to close the deal.

On to your questions:

Yes, it's very likely she's going to give you a sob story. "Oh, 'J' - my cat just died, and I have a stain on my favorite blouse, and the only time I could do the wash and have a funeral was on Tuesday, and then it started to rain, so I .... blah, blah, blah..."

Frankly, it doesn't matter WHAT she says now! Your tack should continue to be: "Look, are you serious, or are you just playing with me? If you're serious - DO SOMETHING (like accept a date), otherwise, get the hell away from me!" If you want to play this you can even wait until she comes up to you (don't approach her on this one), and after she gives you the story, say, "Ok, so how are you going to make it up to me?" Then, be VERY quite and let her continue to squirm. If you a real jackass, you can even keep on saying, "Ok, and what else?" The point here is that your focus is on setting that date.

Since you know her schedule, you can even use that to your advantage. Here's how:

If she gives you another lie about her schedule (you should already know it up front), just say, "Ok, let's go check it out!" Then, walk over to the time clock, board, or whatever and look at it. When you catch her in the lie just say, "Look, you're obviously scared enough to lie to me. You have no reason to be scared of me, but starting a relationship with lying isn't a good idea."

She'll give you some excuse about it all and then you can just say, "Ok, both our schedules are open next Tuesday [or whatever] so I'll pick you up at 7:30 pm, and you can see what I'm talking about then. Write your home number on this paper..."

This should work like a charm - even if she's an attention whore, or just confused!

Best regards...

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Have a love, relationship, sex or man/woman question? I answer all email. You can write to me at dwneder@beingman.com for answers. For more information about my books, "Being a Man in a Woman's World" (volume I & II), and other products visit: www.beingaman.com. Check out the discussion group at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/beingaman.

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