Online dating tips and relationship advice from Dr. Neder...
The Case
Of Brotherly Love
Hello, I have a problem and
I hope that you could help me.
My current girlfriend used to
be my older brother’s girlfriend, and after they broke up she
begun to chase after me, but before that she says that she already
had feelings for me, and that is one of the reasons why she
broke up with my brother.
The problem is that no one in
my family knows about it, and some times both she and I have
guilty consciences. Now I’m so confused that I’ve lost sense
of what is right or wrong.
Should I still
be in this relationship or not is it completely immoral?
-------------------------------
Hello!
Dating someone that a family
member has dated is much like dating someone that a friend has
dated. You need to consider the value of the relationship with
your brother and your family if you want to continue dating
her.
I have dated women that other
friends and family members dated before me, but I've always
gone to that person and said, "I'm interested in your ex.
However, your [friendship/relation] to me is much more important
than she is, and I'll only date her if you're comfortable with
it, and agree that we can deal with any problems it brings."
If that person is comfortable
with it, I proceed. If not, I back off of the woman completely
because there are just too many other women out there!
You're in something of a different
situation here because you are already dating her! That's poor
form old buddy, but everything is not lost. Go to your brother
and tell him that you would be interested in dating his ex,
(not as though you are already dating her - as though you'd
like to start), and see what he says. If he tells you he wouldn't
appreciate it, back off. Your relationship with him is going
to be by far more important throughout the rest of your life.
However, if he tells you he's
ok with it, and he's willing to work through any problems, (such
as bringing her to birthday parties, etc.), then you can continue
to see her. However, one more word of caution here: "ease"
your family into seeing you and she together. Don't just thrust
her on them! In fact, you should casually mention that you and
her are going out a number of times before they actually see
you with her. Let them get used to the idea.
The reason behind this is that
your family can cause all sorts of problems for you and this
women if you don't respect the fact that they might be a little
squeamish about it. In fact, if your folks ask you to not bring
her around, give them a little more time. Of course, eventually
they're going to have to get used to the idea one way or another,
so this has to be a temporary thing.
Best regards...
> Home > Dr.
Neder Relationship Advice: Main Page
- - - - - - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
- - -
Have a love, relationship,
sex or man/woman question? I answer all email. You can write
to me at dwneder@beingman.com
for answers. For more information about my books, "Being
a Man in a Woman's World" (volume I & II), and other
products visit: www.beingaman.com.
Check out the discussion group at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/beingaman.
Copyright (c) 2004-2011, Dr. Dennis W. Neder
All rights reserved.
|
