Relationship advice : Playing the Game With a Game Player

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Online dating tips and relationship advice from Dr. Neder...

Playing the Game With a Game Player

Dr:

I recently met this girl that travels on the same bus that I use, and we seemed to hit it off. We saw each other every time I was going home and she was leaving for school (we are both college students, I'm 21 and she is 18). One day I asked her for her phone number. She said, "I don't know, I'll have to think about it". That was the signal for me to move on. We saw each other a few more times after that and talked. I made her laugh, and she seemed shy around me. Sometimes she'd stare at me, or would play with her hair when we talked. I believe that these were flirting signals.

One day I "accidentally" passed through the store where she works. She seemed happy to see me and we talked for a while. I asked her, "Do you remember the question I asked you on the bus one day and you said that you would have to think about it?" She said that she didn't so I reminded her that I wanted to call her sometime, and before I could finish the sentence she quickly wrote her phone number on a receipt. As she handed it to me, she said that she wasn't sure she was doing the right thing. When I asked why she just shrugged, and that makes me wonder, is she doing this because she's shy, or is she just playing games?

I waited a few days and finally called her. She had her phone off, so I left a message, and then the two nights later she paged me and left one on my voicemail. I called her the next day, and we talked, but she had to leave, saying that she would call me when she gets home, which she never did. Now, I keep getting hang-ups on my voicemail, which only started after I gave her my number, so if it's her could it be a good thing?

A couple of days ago, she said that she got my message and called to wish me a happy new year. Funny thing is, I haven't called her since we last talked!

So:

1. Does it sound like she is truly interested? When I talked to her last she said that she would be interested in going out with me if I ever asked her;
2. She keeps paging and not saying anything. She just hangs up. Then there is that weird one about "getting my message and wishing me a happy new year also" and I haven't called her at all (which I plan to do in order to ask her out this week). I'm wondering if these hang-ups are her subtle messages for me to call her.
3. Thanks for your help and thanks for bearing with this long letter

Confused in Daly City

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Hello "Confused"!

GAME PLAYER! GAME PLAYER!

Actually, there's no way for me to know who's calling you and hanging up. Why did you give her a pager number in the first place? I climb on people about this all the time. Don't give out a voicemail-only number! That's why you have a telephone. Are you sure she didn't give you one too?

Let's go back to the beginning. She said she'd "have to think" about giving you her number? I would have turned and walked that very minute. She's telling you in no uncertain terms that she's a game player. The messages are just more of this. Frankly, you need to get this nailed down or move on. She can keep this game going forever if she wants. Is that what YOU want?

Next time you see her, ask her if the number she gave you is voicemail-only. If so, just say, "Ok, I don't have the time to keep up with these games. I'm sorry that you don't want to talk to me" and turn and walk away. If it is a real phone (that she actually answers), ask her when she's home so you can call her, but explain that you're not going to carry on a relationship with her answering machine.

Nick, stop this madness! This isn't the way adults get together. She's playing you and you're letting her. What do you want from her - messages or a date? Nail her down to something firm, or move on and find someone worthwhile. Game players are never worth your time.

Best regards...

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