Online dating tips and relationship advice from Dr. Neder...
Case of
the Hidden Boyfriend
Hi Doc,
There is the girl
at work that I have become very attracted to. In fact, I think
it may even be love! I've known her now for about a year.
We even went out
for drinks one night only to find out that she has a boyfriend!
So, I backed off a little, but we still spend all kinds of time
at work talking, being friendly, we've even hugged a few times!
One day, she can
in and was visibly depressed, so I asked her what was wrong.
She held back, but when I pressed her on it, she told me that
she and her boyfriend had a fight. I asked her if she wanted
to talk about it and she thanked me, but declined. I told her
that she had my number and she could call if she needed to.
The next day, I found a message from her thanking me for my
concern and for "helping" her through that rough time.
She never mentions
her boyfriend, and from what I've heard, they never do anything
together. They just seem to stay home, watch TV, and never go
out on the weekends.
What should I do?
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Hello!
Ok, let me clear
up a couple of points here first:
1) Most all women
have "boyfriends" when you first meet them. This is
NORMAL. Unlike us guys that end one relationship before moving
on to the next one (we are expected to do this from honor!),
women move from boyfriend to boyfriend. Think of this like crossing
a stream by jumping from rock to rock. Thus, boyfriends should
never intimidate you!
2) You are horrifyingly
close to being this woman's "friend". If you become
her friend, you will NEVER be anything else to her!
3) You need to
act immediately to prevent entering the "friend zone".
Here's how you
do this:
Invite her out
for some drinks, to play pool, etc. In general just to have
some INEXPENSIVE fun. Don't take her to an elaborate dinner
or anything expensive as you'll look like you're just trying
to buy your way into her pants. Also, don't take her to a concert
or a movie. You need some "face time" with her. Also,
pick her up, don't plan to meet her there.
You want to take
her to a place where you can get her talking about herself.
Don't regale her with your stories. Your job here is to get
her talking, and to establish connection. There are a number
of communication tools you can use to do this which are far
too extensive to cover in email. I strongly urge you to get
a copy of "Being a Man in a Woman's World" and study
them.
Once you've established
connection, you absolutely need to kiss her. This is a critical
element and starts everything off. I urge you to not wait until
the end of the evening. If you do, you'll be showing that you're
a coward not a man. One way to do this is to take a walk and
then just stop, spin her around and pull her to you for a deep,
passionate kiss. Do this for a minute or two, and then continue
on like nothing happened.
Believe me, if
you knock her socks off here, she's going to be over her old
boyfriend so fast it will make your head spin.
Best regards...
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Neder Relationship Advice: Main Page
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Have a love, relationship,
sex or man/woman question? I answer all email. You can write
to me at dwneder@beingman.com
for answers. For more information about my books, "Being
a Man in a Woman's World" (volume I & II), and other
products visit: www.beingaman.com.
Check out the discussion group at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/beingaman.
Copyright (c) 2004-2011,
Dr. Dennis W. Neder
All rights reserved.
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