Online dating tips and relationship advice from Dr. Neder...
Another
Lying, Using Bitch!
Dennis,
I have been with
my girlfriend for over 9 months now, she recently went back
home a few weeks ago and one night I was drunk and having a
bad night, and messed around with another girl. I did not have
sex with her and I stopped it before it went any further, I
told my girlfriend. I admitted to it and swore that I would
rather die then do it again. She was raped a week or so later
and I was heartbroken. However, she hasn't told anyone except
me, and these guys she’s been hanging out with.
After the incident,
she spent 2 nights at his house (her friend, mike, who she says
is like a 'brother' to her but has known for only a few weeks,
and his two roommates), in his bed, but supposedly he was in
the living room on the futon. She came back a few days ago and
we really opened up to each other, she wants to spend the rest
of her life with me, and I feel the same way, but we both want
to wait until its the right time.
Only problem being
is that she’s hanging out with this guy every free moment, she
stays out with him until 12-2 am every night, and is a totally
non-responsive person every time that I call her and she’s with
him. When she came back I checked her text messages and found
one from him saying 'Love you baby', she says its just the way
he is, and that she only loves me and wants to be with me. Yet,
she knows that this is killing me, but hangs out with him all
the time. She is in Pittsburgh and I'm in Philly and she’s telling
me she needs sometime before she can come back. She swears to
me that she isn't cheating on me, but yet I'm dying because
I know she’s spending every free moment hanging out with him.
Please help, I
don't know who else to turn to, I'm hurting so badly.
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Hello!
Holy crap! What
a mess this is! Let's see here: a long distance relationship
(a no-no), you admitted being with someone else to her even
though nothing happened (a big no-no), she's spending all her
time in some other guy's bed (a HUGE no-no), and you want everything
to be ok?
Ok, here's your
very first step. Now, pay attention because this is important:
PULL YOUR HEAD
OUT OF YOUR ASS!!
I don't care what
Ms. Sweetcheeks tells you she's doing, she is BANGING this guy!
There is no two ways about it! Of course, SHE did the "right
thing" by not telling you this, but you just spilled your
guts! What in the hell are you thinking anyway, man?
She tells you that
she needs something before she comes back? Let me guess what
that is: she wants you to propose to her, right? If you do this,
you have lost all rights to ever contact me again! You'll have
made your own living hell, and you'll just have to live with
it. Whatever you do, DO NOT propose to this woman! You'll be
stuck in a marriage even worse than you can imagine.
Look, here are
the rules you need to get straightened out in your mind:
1) NEVER tell any
woman that you've been with someone else behind her back! Not
only does this give her the ok to do the same thing to you,
but more important, men often do this to try to alleviate their
own guilt! Of course, this never works. You still feel just
as guilty as before, but now, you have to try to make it all
up to her. Further, you've caused damage to her self-image.
2) NEVER accept
that your woman has these "male buddies" that she
hangs around with all the time. It's just not the way it is!
You'd have to be a complete jackass to believe that nothing
is going on!
3) NEVER get yourself
into a long-distance relationship situation! These never work
out for a thousand and one reasons I'm not going to go into.
Here's why you
SHOULD do:
1) Dump this lying,
using bitch right this minute. Do not write her, do not call
her, do not contact her in any way.
2) Move on! Get
yourself out there and back into the game.
3) Stop being a
clingy, scared jerk, and start to see things as they really
are.
I wish these things
for you!
Best regards...
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Neder Relationship Advice: Main Page
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Have a love, relationship,
sex or man/woman question? I answer all email. You can write
to me at dwneder@beingman.com
for answers. For more information about my books, "Being
a Man in a Woman's World" (volume I & II), and other
products visit: www.beingaman.com.
Check out the discussion group at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/beingaman.
Copyright (c) 2004-2011,
Dr. Dennis W. Neder
All rights reserved.
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