Online dating tips and relationship advice from Dr. Neder...
After
The Fight
Hello!
I've been
dating my girlfriend for about 2 years. We had a big fight
a couple of weeks ago, and after
that she doesn't
say "I love you" to me as much as she did before.
We are acting the same as before the fight to each other but
I just want her to say I love you to me as much as she did
before. She says it when we hang out and stuff, but not when
we are on the phone.
I feel like it's a game; like she is waiting for me to say
it first all the time now. Maybe I should do it?! That also
made me more insecure and I hate that.
Give me some advice please - thanks!
-------------------------- Hello!
First of
all, nobody can "make" you
feel insecure. That's something you do to yourself only.
Whether or not you
feel secure and confident are entirely up to you. Don't make
her responsible for how you feel or you're going to be in a
constant state of trying to please her to get what you should
already have - a good sense of self.
Ok, so
you need to hear the words "I love you" in
order to feel loved. That's fine. You're likely to find that
she has some other need. Everyone has something make makes
them feel loved - some (like you) need to hear it. Others want
to be shown and still others need to be touched in order to
feel loved.
I'll bet your girlfriend has a different need than you do.
When the fight happened, she reverted to what was most comfortable
for her - and is different from you.
What you
needt to do is to sit down with her and start by asking, "Honey, what things do I do that make you feel
most loved?" Then, really listen as she explains it to
you. You might have difficult really grasping it at first as
it's going to be different than your own experience, but hang
in there. Really get to understand her needs.
Then, once you do - and agree to work on giving it to her,
explain to her that you need to hear the words back for YOU
to feel loved.
If you both really want the other to understand how you feel
about each other, then you'll both invest your energies into
giving the other what they need - in their own particular language.
Best regards...
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