A Sense of Urgency

Hello,

I was reading a past post called "All of my Men's is friends", and I have a question that is somewhat connected to that. I have been experiencing pretty much the same situation as that women, except for my situation I have been more forward as to my feelings for the other.

The problem is the other person is terrified of hurting another or getting hurt in a relationship. Needless to say this has become a problem I can imagine many people are experiencing. What can be done from my perspective to make sure I don't fall into the friend category needlessly?

Thank you
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Hello!

Actually there's a large number of things you can do - far more than I can describe via email. If you want the whole story, check my books, "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II".

Almost everyone is afraid of being hurt in relationships. However, relationships are all about risk. If you (or anyone) isn't willing to accept that risk, then you have to be willing to be alone for the rest of your life. What else can you do?

Let's look at this from another standpoint; one of urgency.

Let's say that you and I are sitting in a room. I ask you to go next-door and get me a pen, so you get up and go to the door, turn the knob and it's locked. So, you come back to me and say, "I can't get you that pen, the door is locked."

Now, let's say that your 2-year-old daughter is locked in that room and the building is on fire. Are you simply going to say, "I can't save her - the door is locked." Of course not! You'll move heaven and earth to get that door open and save your daughter.

So too, is it with relationships. When someone is more interested in the relationship than by fear they will pursue the relationship. I suggest that this person is likely not as interested in you.

What a lot of people do is try to convince someone to like them more than they do and that is a sure recipe for disaster. I try to teach people to first set their own goals so that they understand exactly what they want in their relationships and exactly who they want these relationships with; and then to go find people that have the same goals.

Best regards...

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