Online dating tips and relationship advice from Dr. Neder...
Getting
a Girl to Date Me
I've been friends
with this girl all through high school but since December
we have been best friends. The past 2
months we have brought our friendship to a new level - friends
with benefits you could say. She has been going out with
another guy for about 2 years but they were on a "break" when
this stuff happened and he is a real douche bag to her and
doesn't treat her good at all.
She always talks to me about it and we have talked about going
out but she always says that she feels like she has to be with
him because her parents like him. The problem is that we get
along so good and have amazing times when we are together.
I just don't know what to do because she is giving this guys
another chance for the hundredth time, when I'm sitting here
waiting for my first chance. I can't stop thinking bout her.
What
should I do?
---------------------- Hello!
I'm going
to answer your question, but I want you to stop and think
about this for a minute: supposedly
she's on a "break" and
yet she's banging it out with you? What kind of break is that?
If you ask me, it's a pretty damn disrespectful one to everyone
involved - her boyfriend AND you!
This technicality doesn't change her relationship with this
guy. In order to understand this, go to my website (http://beingaman.com)
and click on BAM TV. Watch the video there on breaks.
The bottom line is that she's using both of you. She goes
running back to this guy that supposedly mistreats her (and
remember, you're only getting one side of the story AND you're
not exactly uninvolved here to see both sides easily) but she
keeps you hanging on in the wings whenever she wants something
different. She knows damn well what you're doing there by the
way.
Bobby, the real problem here is you. You're in control here
if you'd just take it, but instead, you let her take the lead
out of fear of losing her. She doesn't want that position and
it's the specific reason why she doesn't dump this guy for
you.
Now, what would happen if you got scarce and started dating
other girls? What you fear is that she would bond even tighter
with her boyfriend. The reality is that she would miss you
and wonder why you're not around.
Your answer to that is that you're tired of her screwing up
her life with such a loser when she has someone like you around
and since she doesn't seem to know the difference, you're going
to go find a girl that does.
Do you think that attitude is going to get her off the fence?
Well, one thing we do know is that the way things are now isn't
working out very well for you.
It's time to change your actions if you want to change your
situation. Even better, if you're dating 2 or 3 other girls,
you're not really going to care very much about what she does
anyway!
Best regards...
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Have a love, relationship,
sex or man/woman question? I answer all email. You can write
to me at dwneder@beingman.com
for answers. For more information about my books, "Being
a Man in a Woman's World" (volume I & II), and other
products visit: www.beingaman.com.
Check out the discussion group at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/beingaman.
Copyright (c) 2004-2011, Dr. Dennis W. Neder
All rights reserved.
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