Getting A Waitress's Phone Number

Hello Dennis.

I went to a restaurant last night. It was busy! I just got a drink and went on the veranda. I sat there and was hoping this one particular waitress would be the one serving me. She wasn't, but she did look at me once and I don't think she recalls me from the time my friend and I had a meal there. Then I thought, "Ok, have another drink and call her over."

It didn't happen. Every time I wanted to do that, either she was serving other customers or didn't notice me. Then the manager politely asked me to move from the verandah (I agreed to stay there a maximum of 30 minutes - because I wasn't eating). So I moved to the bar area. She was there a few times but sped off with drinks for customers. Finally, I thought "OK, the next time she comes by, I will ask her for her phone number, email, etc." When I went to pay the cashier, I saw her there and said "hello" and she said "hello" back. I paid the cashier and left.

Now my questions:

1. I think she likes me, even though she can't remember me. I think that is why she did not approach my table. Or, she remembers me and the way she looked at me the time I was there with my friend. I know there is some chemistry between us (this was not just her being polite - you know)

2. I intend to return there for a meal. This may look strange on my own however I have done this before and felt comfortable. I will be less noticeable and fit in more if I eat there.

3. Next time, I'll ask her for sure. Dennis - do you think it is reasonable to ask one of the waiters/waitresses to ask her over to my table - IF she is not serving me. It was just by chance that she got all the food for my friend and I last time (when I learned her name and where she was from, etc).

4. I don't know if she has a boyfriend and yet I am very attracted to her! This occurred to me last night: perhaps I am "in my own world" but life is full of surprises. Perhaps I should try to present myself as a "friend" - do I sound a little confused?

Best regards

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Yo! Brother!

There are a number of issues here that I'll try to address, but I sense a deeper foundational problem with your education about women! I'll give you want I can in this email, but I strongly urge you to pick up a copy of "Being a Man in a Woman's World", read it through and do the exercises. It's going to give you far more than I can in a few emails.

First, you're putting a lot of weight into this one woman. That bothers me. If you were dating 3 other women, then I might feel differently. You see, what's going to happen if she turns out not to be interested? You know absolutely nothing about her except where she works. Don't make this mistake - she should be on your "C" list at best, and she hasn't done anything to move up to your "A" list yet.

Remember, waitresses are nice to you because that gets them tips. When they first meet you - even if you were Brad Pitt or Tom Cruise, they only see you as a lunch order (well, Brad or Tom might get somewhat different treatment, but you get the point). Don't read too much into her being "nice" to you. That's her job.

The next time you go in there, here's what I recommend:

First, if you're going there alone, bring some work with you. I often bring my laptop with me and sit and work, or I bring a book or magazine and read. That way, you'll look like you're busy - much better than looking like you have nothing to do, or worse, that you're there to hit on hot waitresses!

Second, when you go there, ask to be seated in her section. Even if they're busy, they will try to accommodate you.

Third: (and this is important), remember that she gets paid by the number of butts she can move OFF of her tables. If you walk in and sit down at her section with work, she's already calculating how much she is going to lose during the 2 hours you're sitting there. So try this little trick: let her know that you understand you're taking up room, but compensate her for it. Explain that you're going to be there for a short while to get something done, and tell her how long - 1 hour, 2 hours, etc. Then, TIP HER UP FRONT!

Most people don't understand what tipping is all about. The word "tip" is actually an acronym and stands for "To Insure Promptness". If you want to insure prompt/good service, you should tip up front! This is especially important when you're in a nice restaurant (such as with a date) and you want things to go perfectly. Further, waiters and waitresses often earn less than the minimum wage! They are seen as making it up through their tips.

So, if you're going to be there for 1 hour, give her $5 when she comes to your table! Just tell her you have to get a few things done. Also, when the check comes, don't tip LESS than 15%. I have a personal rule: I always tip 20% at a minimum - even if the service wasn't great. Why? Because I see this as my fault! If I want perfect service, I'll tip up front!

Forth: when you talk to her, use her name. Say, "Hello [her name] - it's good to see you again. You probably remember, but I'm Andre." This is where you go into your spiel about having to get some work done, and slipping her the $5 - or even just put it on the table explaining that you don't want her to lose money just because you have work to do.

Fifth: Read her! Don't just assume that because she's nice to you that she wants to bang your lights out. Instead, watch her body language, and use communications skills (both from the book), to establish connection. Use confidence and humor to make an impact - if nothing else, she'll remember you the next time you come in.

Finally, if all goes well, you can get her number on the way out when she brings your check. If you don't get the "buying signals" ask her for her number anyway - it's great practice.

Best regards...

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Have a love, relationship, sex or man/woman question? I answer all email. You can write to me at dwneder@beingman.com for answers. For more information about my books, "Being a Man in a Woman's World" (volume I & II), and other products visit: www.beingaman.com. Check out the discussion group at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/beingaman.

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