Online dating tips and relationship advice from Dr. Neder...
Will This
Girl's Gay Guy Friend Get In My Way?
Ok Dr., here is the background for this question:
-She and I are both in our early 20s.
-We went to high school together.
-We didn’t know each other well in high school, but were acquaintances
with mutual friends.
-I started talking to her about two months ago on a whim.
-She lives far away now but makes frequent trips back here.
-Keep in mind I have not seen her in person for 3 years
-I am NOT LOOKING FOR A RELATIONSHIP, JUST a quick thing.
-She came back once recently and we didn’t meet up, but she
is coming back next month. She said she couldn’t wait to meet
up next time.
I used your “blitzkrieg technique” and talked to her one day,
waited a week, talked again, waited four days, talked again,
a week off, etc. She replies and asks questions back every
time, HOWEVER she NEVER makes first contact.
When she
was drunk she kept telling me via text (and don’t worry,
we don’t text often at all) that she
is "the most
fun I could ever have, especially drunk." She never says
she can’t wait to see me outright, but that she can’t wait
to come home, which is understandable. She also gets very offended
when I made the jest "are you a boringish girl?" It
was almost as though she was out to prove herself as fun. She
even went as far as saying "Didn’t you see my club pictures?!!”
But, here’s the big issue: she is bringing her gay friend
with her when she visits!
They are
visiting and I will be the one calling her to hang when she
is here. But keep in mind they are not
coming to see
me specifically. It was more of a "Oh, your coming up
for a few days to visit family? Well lets meet up!” sort of
thing. They are driving and he is not from around here, so
she might (and I stress MIGHT) not have a place to dump him
off. I have made it clear that we will be meeting up alone
on several occasions, but how can I make sure that he isn’t
there doing the old block the cock thing? She has pictures
of him online of them kissing and just being close, typical
girl thinks gay guy is cute/adorable type thing. I think you
will have much to say on this topic, can you ease my mind at
all?
-------------------- Hello!
Well, I'll say this: you've been paying attention in class!
By the
way - you've been using the challenges very well to move
this forward. Good job! Here's one more
that you might
want to try, "I've never met a [insert some attribute
of her's here - "Philly", "Irish", "teacher", "Catholic",
whatever] girls that knew how to kiss very well." Then,
leave it at that. Challenge thrown!
Why would you be calling her to set things up only when she
gets here? Why not have it all planned instead BEFORE she arrives?
Get things set up so that you already have the date planned
and organized.
You need
to ask yourself just how "gay" this
guy is! I'm getting the impression that it's not exactly
100% here.
That could work against you. Here's what you have to keep in
mind: HE has her full attention - not you. Thus, you need to
win HIM over far more than you need to win HER over. If he's
really gay and only a friend of hers, he can do far more to
build you up in her mind than you could ever do!
Thus, plan on meeting him and becoming the close buddy! If
you do that, he's going to help you out here. If not, he's
going to block you. You should also have some place for him
to go. Look around town and find a couple of gay clubs. This
is a great place to take them both! He'll have lots of opportunities
to meet some guys and you'll have the girl mostly to yourself.
Best regards...
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