Online dating tips and relationship advice from Dr. Neder...
Girlfriend
Doesn't Like Oral Sex
Hello Doc,
I'm sure you've been asked this question before. My girlfriend
does not want to perform oral sex on me. Is there a way I can
get her to change her mind? I mean, ever since the day she
told me, I've been fine with it. I told her I had no problem
with it. And she doesn't know that I feel this way. I much
rather have her do it than not do it. So is there a way to
get her to change her mind at all?
----------------- Hello!
You bet there is.
First of all, you need to come clean about your desire for
oral sex. Since you've told her otherwise (in effect, lying
to her) she doesn't get the opportunity to deal with her own
issues surrounding it.
Explain to her that you knew (or sensed) that she wasn't into
it and; rather than creating an issue around it, you chose
to tell her a little white lie. Now that you're relationship
is going well you want to start expanding up your sexual scope
to include other fun sex like oral sex, etc.
You should also explain to her that while it's not a deal
breaker, you want more variety in your sex and that you'll
help her learn to be really good at it. More important, it'll
be fun!
At the same time, get her to talk about what she'd like to
see more of too. Just as you grow your relationship to be closer
and better, you need to focus on doing the same thing with
your sex life.
As I constantly tell people, bad relationships that have great
sex will continue to survive, but good relationships with bad
sex almost always fail.
It's important to have your needs met and to meet hers as
well. Therefore, don't stop at telling her what you want, you
also need to know what she wants too. This is a good time to
start expanding your sexual horizons!
One way to do this is to start talking about your fantasies.
She may be uncomfortable at about at first, but as soon as
she knows you're sincere and that you aren't going to judge
her based on this, she'll start to open up to you. This gives
you some new material to really ramp-up your sex life, but
even more important, will help you to really bond and become
closer.
Best regards...
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