Online dating tips and relationship advice from Dr. Neder...
Trying
to Reconcile With My Girlfriend
Hi Doc!
My girlfriend and I broke up about 5 weeks ago. I’m 22 and
we have been dating 3 years - on and off for 5. She broke up
with me because of the way I was treating her, I was being
a pretty bad boyfriend. So, after 5 weeks we had a talk and
she was willing to open her heart for me to come back in being
a better person.
This is where I have my question.
We put out some ground rules and she wants to take baby steps
toward getting back together. It’s been a week and she texts
me all day while she’s at work, and even drew a doodle with
my name, but she won’t let me get to close. We have only hugged
and I kissed her on the cheek.
Is she taking it really slow or just playing me off? Granted
I haven’t tried to make any moves out of fear of ruining the
chance I have. How long should I be willing to wait for something
to happen? I mean after 2 weeks if we haven’t even kissed its
kinda weird isn’t it?
Thanks!
--------------------
Hello!
Yes, it's kinda weird!
What's
going on isn't about her "taking it slow".
That's absolutely ridiculous! In fact, what's happening is
that she's punishing you. Only when she feels that you are
going to be a good boy will this ever end - if ever at all!
Really,
this isn't healthy in the least. It's not healthy from a
relationship stand point (and certainly
not "mature"),
it's not healthy for her, and it is absolutely unhealthy for
you! I suggest you put this crap to bed already. Stop being
so scared of losing things with her! Is this really the sort
of relationship you wanted? I'd hope not!
The next
time you see her, say, "Ok, I've
been punished enough. This 'taking it slow' garbage is over
- done. No more
of it. Either you're your my girlfriend or you're not. If you're
not, I'm going to go find someone else that is. If you are,
start acting like her."
Now, I know you're terrified; (frankly, of what, I don't know
- more of this mistreatment???), but you're going to find that
this little speech changes her attitude entirely. It's designed
that way.
Someone has to be in charge of the relationship. This is YOUR
job as the guy. Frankly, you've given up your job as a concession
and accepted punishment from her for it. That's not a relationship
at all; it's a parent-child situation and is just as humiliating
as it is unhealthy.
Get this fixed right now!
Best regards...
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