Online dating tips and relationship advice from Dr. Neder...
Three
Years of Tears
Dear Dr. Neder
I am hopelessly in love with a girl I met 3 years ago at a
concert. She means the world to me! I’d give up the rest of
my life to spend one night with her on a more than friend level.
She has a Boyfriend but I truly care for her. I've tried to
move on to different girls but I always end up talking to her
after the end of the last relationship. She knows how I feel
because I’ve told her.
We’ve kissed and made-out and it was magic. She tells me if
anything would happen between her and her boyfriend that she
would come to me. I feel second best but I don’t care. I only
wish she could feel how i feel. Every time i see a picture
of them or see them together it hurts.
Is there anything i can do to help make her feelings for me
stronger?
--------------------- Hello!
There might be, but I fear you've done far too much damage
here to fix things.
Think about this: 3 years. It's been 3 years and you never
bothered to even learn any of the skills you needed to turn
this around. You're sitting there with an unhealthy addiction
to this girl rather than having lifted a finger to learn anything.
Only now - 3 years later - are you seeking help.
Don't you think this girl sees this? Of course she does! You've
just spent the last 3 years proving to her that you're NOT
the guy she wants! How are you ever going to turn that around?
If you had, she'd have dumped her loser boyfriend for you in
a heartbeat. To be honest, she's probably clinging to him even
harder now out of fear she'd HAVE to be with you.
I'm not trying to undermine your confidence here; I'm trying
to get you to wake the hell up already! Women need very clear,
specific things in order to feel attraction for someone. Instead
of giving her these things (or even knowing what they are!)
you've sat back and waited...and waited and waited for something
out side to change rather than being a man and changing them
yourself.
Well, here it is 3 years later and NOTHING has changed other
than the fact that your addiction for her has grown beyond
what is reasonable and is now into cartoon-land. It's pathetic
- but for you AND for this poor girl! I feel more sorry for
her than I do for you because you seem like a nice guy and
she'd probably be very happy being with you, if you could only
show her that by doing just about everything you've done so
far exactly backwards!
In effect, any feelings she's had for you have probably been
destroyed! What it's going to take now, you're very likely
not going to do anyway! After all, you've spent the last 3
years not doing them, why should you change? This is going
to be far harder than you think it will be.
I know
I'm not going to talk you out of this ridiculous situation,
but here's what you need to do now:
first start by going to
my website (http://BeingAMan.com) and clicking on "self
help". From there; read my FAQ's - in particular about
how to turn a friend into something more. Be sure to read the
articles. Also read about why boyfriends aren't your problem
(actually, for you it IS your problem because you've made it
one!)
I also
strongly suggest you read my books, "Being a Man
in a Woman's World I & II" and start learning what
this girl (and frankly, ALL girls) need from men. Until you
know these things and are able to deliver, you simply have
no chance here.
Best regards...
> Home > Dr.
Neder Relationship Advice: Main Page
- - - - - - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
- - -
Have a love, relationship,
sex or man/woman question? I answer all email. You can write
to me at dwneder@beingman.com
for answers. For more information about my books, "Being
a Man in a Woman's World" (volume I & II), and other
products visit: www.beingaman.com.
Check out the discussion group at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/beingaman.
Copyright (c) 2004-2011, Dr. Dennis W. Neder
All rights reserved.
|
