Cultivating Good Communication Skills

Dr. Neder:

I've read your articles on various websites and I have a great question for you!

How do I create the opportunity to cultivate communication skills? I live in a small town, I run my own business, but there isn't anywhere to "hang out", I am a vibrant being that resonates well with people, but those social skills have been shelved. I believe that they just need to be dusted off, greased and put to work again...but how?

Not having "practice" in communication is nibbling at my self confidence as I venture out to job interviews. This also overflows into any future dating relationships. I typically turn down dates...what on earth would I say? I've never been shy, and now I'm almost afraid to open my mouth.

Your recommendations would be very much appreciated. Thank you for your time and help!

===========

Hello!

That *is* a great question!

To begin with, people often make the mistake of thinking that being a "good communicator" means that you have a lot of interesting things to say. Frankly, nothing could be further from the truth. Instead, what really works for communications is learning how to draw others out - how to get other people to talk instead, and being a good listener.

The #1 rule of dealing with people is simple: people are primarily interested in themselves. This isn't necessarily a selfish thing however. It's just that what else do each of us have in perspective? We know our selves intimately and are "experts" on talking about what we know well.

Thus, you should never turn down dates - ever! This is a chance to work on these communication skills and build them. The real question then, is how do you do that?

It's really very simple. You learn to ask "open ended" questions. An open ended question is one where the answer is something more than "yes" or "no". For instance, if you ask someone, "Do you like your job?" they can answer "yes, I do", but where do you go from there?

Instead, if you ask, "What do you like most about your job?" you've just opened up a potentially lengthy discussion! This is how you draw people out - by sincerely wanting to learn about them - their wants, their needs, their dreams, their histories, etc. As you get to know people more deeply, you'll be surprised at how they come to believe that you are really a great conversationalist!

Here are two articles from my website that talks even more about this:

http://www.beingaman.com/never_be_at_a_loss.htm
http://www.beingaman.com/follow-up_never_be_at_a_loss.htm

Best regards...

> Home > Dr. Neder Relationship Advice: Main Page

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Have a love, relationship, sex or man/woman question? I answer all email. You can write to me at dwneder@beingman.com for answers. For more information about my books, "Being a Man in a Woman's World" (volume I & II), and other products visit: www.beingaman.com. Check out the discussion group at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/beingaman.

Copyright (c) 2004-2011, Dr. Dennis W. Neder
All rights reserved.