Online dating tips and relationship advice from Dr. Neder...
The Guy That Wants
to Get Married
Dear Dr. Dennis:
I'm a 28-year-old guy and I've been working on my career for
the past 5 years and have done pretty well for myself. I've
decided that the next step in my life is to get married. Do
you have any suggestions as to how I should get started?
Thanks!
--------------------------------- Hello!
Yes, I do! Here it is: STOP!!!
First of
all, I'm not against marriage. I think that when you find
the perfect partner for yourself and that
you've satisfied
a number of other very important life-requirements that getting
married is fine. On the other hand, setting that as a goal
is a mistake, and is something I see women doing all the time.
It becomes not so much about the perfect person as it is the
wedding as an event and just "being married".
Like I've said for years, there aren't too many divorces,
there are too many marriages!
So, when should you decide that getting married is the next
step? After you've satisfied all of the following:
1) You've
done everything on your "top 100" list.
This is the list you create for yourself of the "top 100
things you've always wanted to do."
2) You're financially and emotionally stable.
3) You've met the woman of your dreams and you're 100% convinced
that you'll never meet anyone else you'll feel the same way
about.
4) You're ready to commit to making the marriage work regardless
of the investment, and,
5) You want to start a family.
Oh, and your partner satisfies these same 5 things too! That's
a lot of things to consider, but let me assure you every one
of them is critically important.
Marriage rarely makes a relationship better. Many people get
married only to learn this lesson too late. Then, they believe
that having children will somehow bring them back together.
Nope - wrong again! These are all things that add stress to
the relationship.
The time
to consider being married is when you already have the perfect
relationship! You've been together
for some time
(I recommend no less than 2 years) and you've done all the
other things in your life-list. Focus on the quality of your
relationships - not their format. Being married has nothing
to do with quality, it's only a relationship "format".
Best regards...
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Have a love, relationship,
sex or man/woman question? I answer all email. You can write
to me at dwneder@beingman.com
for answers. For more information about my books, "Being
a Man in a Woman's World" (volume I & II), and other
products visit: www.beingaman.com.
Check out the discussion group at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/beingaman.
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