Online dating tips and relationship advice from Dr. Neder...
Which
Guys are “Marriage Material”?
Dr. Dennis:
What are
some signs that a man is "marriage material" and
that a woman should definitely consider pursuing him seriously?
------------------------------------- Hello!
One of
the best signs is to check the ring finger of his left hand
(at least here in the States); if
there's a wedding band
there, he's "marriage material".
Unfortunately, your question is based on a false belief: that
there are guys that you can marry and guys you can't. While
that may be true for individuals; for instance, you and some
guy aren't a good match, in fact, any guy can be marriage material
depending on the girl.
Here's the reality: Marriage (along with being the wrong focus
in the first place) is very different for men and women. For
you as a woman; marriage means security, love, family, future,
status and many other positive things. That's why you are (wrongly)
focusing on it as your goal.
(By the
way: I say "wrongly" because
marriage isn't what you should be focusing on anyway - marriage
is a FORMAT
of a relationship - not the relationship itself. What you really
want is a happy, healthy relationship in whatever format it
takes; but I digress...)
To men however, marriage means loss of freedom, loss of choice,
stress, responsibility, having a business partner to make all
the decisions with, and many other negative things.
So, here's
your key: ANY MAN (and yes, I mean ANY MAN) is "marriage
material" PROVIDED you discover exactly what he needs
in order to give up his freedom, choice, take on stress and
responsibility, etc.; and then BECOME THAT WOMAN TO HIM.
Do you get this? If you become this woman to any guy, he'll
have you standing before a minister so fast it'll make your
head spin.
So, why
do so many men seem to avoid marriage? Obviously for the
reasons I've already given you, but it
goes deeper. The
real reason is that women (especially today) are very much "me-focused".
They think "What will *I* get out of this?" Since
they want to be married, they focus exclusively on their own
wants, wishes, dreams, desires, etc., and just assume that
their guys want the same thing.
When they
realize this isn't the case, they get angry - at the guy!
They claim they were "led on" or
that the rules changed; when in fact, the guy simply opened
the door
for her to try to become this woman to him. She (selfishly)
never bothered and then was surprised, hurt and angry when
he never pulled the trigger! Frankly, this is just pure arrogance
on the part of the woman!
So, to
get back to your question: EVERY GUY is "marriage
material". It depends far, far more on the woman than
the man. The real question becomes then, are YOU "marriage
material" for the guy?
Best regards...
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Have a love, relationship,
sex or man/woman question? I answer all email. You can write
to me at dwneder@beingman.com
for answers. For more information about my books, "Being
a Man in a Woman's World" (volume I & II), and other
products visit: www.beingaman.com.
Check out the discussion group at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/beingaman.
Copyright (c) 2004-2011, Dr. Dennis W. Neder
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