Handling A Blind Date

Hi Dr. Neder,

I received a phone number from a friend's mother of someone she works with who is looking to meet someone. I've had a lot of experience with girls (I was engaged for 4 months at one time), but I have NEVER gone out on a blind date OR made the first phone call to someone I've never met. What should I say? What are some good topics of discussion (not current events), etc...

Thanks for your help!

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Hello!

First off, you don't want to hold a lengthy discussion on the phone. Your first phone call should be short and to the point. You want to save all the conversation for the date itself.

You didn't mention if your friend's mother is going to pre-introduce you. That is, is she going to tell this woman that you'll be calling? That's usually the best situation. If so, you can just call her and say, "Hello, this is [your name]. I was given your number by a friend's mother - I believe she told you I'd be calling."

Then, the woman will launch into whatever blathering she's going to, and you can do this: wait until a natural pause in the conversation, (you may have to be quick, some women just take one deep breath and keep going!) Then, just say, "I'm sorry to cut this short, I have to run, but let's get together on [date] at [time]. I'll pick you up - what's your address?"

You can also agree to meet somewhere, but this usually isn’t a good idea with someone you don’t know. She may be flaky or unreliable, and may not show. After all, she doesn’t know you and there’s no pressure on her to be polite. Either way, be sure to be ABSOLUTELY CLEAR about when and where.

Now, a few points about any blind date:

1) It's likely that this woman isn't the woman of your dreams. I don't know why women do this, but they are more interested in getting their friends dates, than properly matching two people. So, don’t have huge expectations.

2) Don't plan a big, elaborate date here - try to make it short, simple and easy - like coffee or something. You don't want this first date to last for hours - especially if there is no match.

3) Don't expect much. You don't know this woman - or anything about her, and thus have nothing in common with her (yet). She may be a nice woman, or may be a crazy bitch. Be prepared for any extreme.

4) When you DO meet her, your job isn't to discuss current events - it's to get her talking. Ask her open-ended questions. For example, don't ask her if she likes dogs; ask her WHY she likes animals. This will get a discussion from her, not just a "yes/no" answer. It's through these types of questions that you'll get to know who she is.

5) Don't be afraid to answer her questions as well, but don't feel like you have to offer up your entire life story either.

Finally, go have fun! This is a chance to meet someone new AND work on your dating skills.

Best regards...

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