How to Handle the Check (and more)

Hi there, Dr. Neder!

I have two questions:

1) You've met a woman, and you feel there is this "connection thing". You feel as if something good might come out of it. You have had coffee and a couple of phone calls. At the moment, though, you are too busy and cannot fit her in. So you want to have her on stand by mode for a length of time; say, 3 weeks. Is there a way to do it? I feel that now would be the right time to act upon her, and by delaying it, the thing will cool off. Any ideas?

2) I met a girl. We had good chemistry and went out for coffee on our first date. On the second date we went to a bar and had a great time. Afterward, we had some good kissing in the car. I called two days later, to set up another date. She says that she did not like the way I handled the bill in the bar! I asked her to pay for what she had. But the kissing in the car was AFTER the check.

So she tells me that she does not want to continue doing anything else with me, for that reason. And she does not want to talk about it any further.

Thinking about it, I discover I might have not handled the payment thing very elegantly. How should I have handled it?

Thank you! Your help will be greatly appreciated!

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Hello!

1) Here's the best way; if your "being busy" isn't going to be too long, pre-schedule your next date! Explain that you're going to be busy for the next few weeks, but would like to get together with her right after that. Ask which day is good, (give her a choice of two), and ask her to write it in her calendar.

Don't ask her to meet you somewhere however - she may "forget". Instead, pick her up. Also, don't call to confirm - it just gives her a chance to back out. Hopefully you have her email address and can just send her a note about "looking forward to seeing you on..." a few days before.

2) The bill issue is always a problem. Unfortunately, in this day of "fair and equal" dating is anything but. You are still expected to pick up the tab regardless of what you've been told, or heard said.

However, there's nothing wrong with expecting her to reciprocate in some way. If you take a woman out to dinner a couple of times, she can at least make you dinner. Unfortunately, you're still going to have to pick up the check. When a woman offers to pay, I say, "No, you get it next time."

If a woman doesn't want to reciprocate in some way - even via a small token, she's proven exactly where (and what) she is. NEXT!!!

Best regards...

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