Online dating tips and relationship advice from Dr. Neder...
I Just
Don’t Know How to Start! (Meeting Men)
Hi,
I’m a 33-year-old, separated woman and haven’t dated anyone
in over 5 years. I’m unsure, nervous and scared of the future
but want to get on with life.
I have had nasty experiences before in regards to men n relationships
and I don’t know how to take steps towards a steady, sane,
normal relationship.
I know my question is as confused as I am! Please help, I
feel I’m sinking.
------------------ Hello!
No, I understand what you're asking. You want to know how
to create a strong, passionate, worthwhile relationship while
mitigating the risks of being hurt to all but nothing.
The
answer is just as simple: you can't.
Consider
this: any relationship you get into where you don't invest
yourself completely isn't one that's
worth having in
the first place. The reason for this is simple: you want depth
and intensity, you want joy, you want love. These things only
come when you can throw (most) caution to the wind and just "be" within
the relationship itself without fear; or at the very least,
to know that you'll be able to deal with any hurt you do encounter.
It's that last sentence that's your key to getting what you
want.
Let's say that you had spent the last 5 years working on your
own personal, inner strength. You had used that time to build
yourself up and to come to a place where you realized that
you could handle anything you encountered. Would that change
your options today? You bet it would!
Of course, you and I know that you haven't done this. How
do we know? Simple: you wouldn't be writing this question to
me now. You'd be out taking the risks you need to take in order
to have what you want!
So, my question to you is this: what are you waiting for?
Oh, right. You're scared. Well honey, welcome to the club!
EVERYONE is scared of getting hurt. Well, actually ALMOST everyone.
There are those of us that have been through all the hurt and
strengthened our characters to the point that we realize that
no matter how badly we hurt, we'll survive it. There are those
of us that actually seek out the chance to be hurt because
we know that's the only way we'll find the degree of excitement
and passion in our lives that we want - and richly deserve.
This is your answer: start right this very minute to seek
out those emotional roller coasters. Go find your chances to
get hurt and begin to discover what many people before you
have found - that you can actually get through these things
and by doing so, have something so incredible that they write
songs, books and plays about it.
You deserve these things as much as anyone, but it's YOU that
has to walk out your door and go find it; fearlessly, confidently
and with the focus of getting what you want.
Best regards...
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Have a love, relationship,
sex or man/woman question? I answer all email. You can write
to me at dwneder@beingman.com
for answers. For more information about my books, "Being
a Man in a Woman's World" (volume I & II), and other
products visit: www.beingaman.com.
Check out the discussion group at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/beingaman.
Copyright (c) 2004-2011, Dr. Dennis W. Neder
All rights reserved.
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I'm young yet old-fashioned. Hip but eccentric. And... I've gone retro. Social media has gone completely berzerk, so I've started over and am keeping it simple. If you have a problem to solve, 
