It's All In The Approach

Hey Dennis,

I have been making lists of different scenarios and things I can do to start a conversation with a woman, and I have been studying how others start conversations with me. First they make some connection then say something, but there's always a connection like a look and a headshake, or an angry sigh because their girlfriend was on the phone, etc. I also started making eye contact with girls on the train, in restaurants, walking, etc. I notice that if I successfully lock a girl's eye where we are both sitting she will keep sneaking peaks at me every so often. I do this with a relaxed, open face and will try to slip a smile in there next.

Anyway, I made a list of different female scenarios. At least one of them happens to me daily. So my method is as follows: a connection line that then easily follows into, "What's your name?" Next, short conversation follows and then the "close" (asking for her number).

All of my opening lines rely on some situation or event. For example: the weather, strange or funny things happening on the train, the girl wearing a music-associated piece of clothing, etc. These happen often, but a lot of times there is nothing to tie us together. Openers like, "nice place" or commenting on the weather won't work. Do you have any good lines that don't rely on an excuse and hinges around just the fact that I want to meet her?

If I can't comment on an outside force, how can I first make the connection? Does, "hi", all by itself really work? And can that lead into "What's your name?" after she says "hi" back? Is that awkward? Isn't "hi" reserved for people who already know each other?

Hello!

Great question! You're working the right things - eye contact and some pre-connection or "commonality" between you. There are many times however, where you just can't find something in common, or can't find a way to break the ice. Here's one I used just the other day.

I went to a local watering hole to listen to some jazz. I was alone, and the place wasn't exactly full of beautiful women, but there was this one that caught my eye. She was sitting over in an inaccessible corner of the bar talking with a girlfriend. She was talking intently with this girl, but made eye contact with me a few times.

So, I waited, and this girl eventually walked past me on her way to the bathroom. As she walked past, I touched her arm and said, "Excuse me, you remind me of someone I'm trying to fall in love with!" She didn't say a word and I continued, "Sorry about the stupid line, but I would have kicked myself if I hadn't met you." It worked like a charm and we're going out next weekend.

Later that night another woman tried to pick me up. She said, "You have beautiful eyes." I said to her, "You know, that is the lamest line I've heard in a long time. Why didn't you just say you wanted to get in pants or something?" We both laughed, and I'll be seeing her soon too.

The point of all of this is you don't really need a bunch to work with. It really IS ok to walk up to a woman and say, "Hello, I really wanted to meet you. What's your name?" If you can be a little creative, that's even better. But at least be aware of your surroundings and situation.

For example, the first two girls were not open to being approached while they were talking. Despite the eye contact, they had "closed postures," were sitting all the way over in the corner, etc. If I had walked up and interrupted their conversation not only would I have come off rude, but they probably wouldn't have appreciated it. The trick is to not get so wrapped up in all of the approach stuff, and just focus on the situation as a whole.

I have been doing "hunting" sessions recently when I travel. At these sessions, I spend a few hours with some local guys in the afternoon covering how to approach women, how to start conversations, what to look for, what signs to read, and what they mean, etc. These are intensive sessions aimed directly at different types of approaches and how to get numbers and more. Then, later that night the team goes out and uses the things they've learned to adjust their techniques and actually wind up getting numbers.

During these sessions, I sometimes get asked the "impossible pickup" question. That is, how do you pick up someone that you just can't figure out a way to approach her? My answer is simply this: "Sometimes you've just got to let them go. Focus on targets you CAN reach, not those you can't."

I hope this helps!

Best regards...

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Have a love, relationship, sex or man/woman question? I answer all email. You can write to me at dwneder@beingman.com for answers. For more information about my books, "Being a Man in a Woman's World" (volume I & II), and other products visit: www.beingaman.com. Check out the discussion group at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/beingaman.

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