Learning to be a Man

Doctor:

I've made a mistake and need help. You see, I've been with this girl for three months and she is totally into me, but I've grown tired of her. I have already cheated on her 3 times and I want to find a new girlfriend.

I think I have found her. I have 3 candidates but I told the one I like most that I broke up with the other girl already. Big mistake! I haven't actually broken up with her, but I will. Here is a problem: My girlfriend and I have been invited to this very special party that all my friends will attend and I really want to got to. The problem is that it's in 3 weeks! The worst thing is that my girlfriend and the new chick know each other!

Should I wait until the party, break up and get with the new girl or break up now and try to get a new girlfriend? If I get burned on the first option I'll be out with a lot of people. If I break up now and it does not work out with the new girl then I will be alone. What should I do? I NEED HELP FAST. Thanks a million.

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Hello!

There's an old saying, "Don't piss in your own backyard", meaning don't create problems too close to home, or they may come back to haunt you.

First, I'd be very careful about "finding a new girlfriend". It doesn't seem that you're really in a place to have a committed relationship - that's not a critique by the way, just an observation. If you've read my book or my articles, you know that I don't particularly advocate monogamous, committed relationships unless that's exactly what you want - and you're really ready for them.

You might want to consider your motivations here. Why do you want to be with just this one girl? In the book, I talk about how you can't "own" another person - just like your present girlfriend doesn't "own" you. If this is your goal, I suggest you re-think it. You've been sleeping with 3 other women; why not just enjoy that variety and the freedom.

This gives you another advantage regarding the party - if you're not "committed" to someone and you're just dating around, you can bring anyone you want to the party. Oh, by the way, you didn't tell any of these girls that you were seeing them exclusively did you? You don't want to lie to them, but you don't have to show your hand either; as long as everyone is comfortable with the situation and you're being sure that everyone's feelings are being considered!

To answer your specific question, if you're ready to breakup with girlfriend #1, don't wait - get it over with. You don't do her or yourself any good by hanging on. This is one thing I keep promoting: if you're going to have this kind of lifestyle, but a man about it. Don't cause undue or excess harm to someone just to get your knob polished. Take responsibility for the people you're with - AND USE PROTECTION! There is absolutely NO EXCUSE for unwanted children or disease.

One last point; I'm concerned that your focus isn't the best. You have a girlfriend that you haven't really thought about - she's "totally into you", and you just concerned about how YOU'LL look at the party. Dude, be a man - you have responsibilities to girlfriend #1 (and, to a lesser degree - #2, #3, and #4). Until you own up to them and do the right things, you're just a boy with a man's penis. I can't emphasize enough the importance of taking responsibility for your actions. This is when you become a man.

Best regards...

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Have a love, relationship, sex or man/woman question? I answer all email. You can write to me at dwneder@beingman.com for answers. For more information about my books, "Being a Man in a Woman's World" (volume I & II), and other products visit: www.beingaman.com. Check out the discussion group at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/beingaman.

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