Help! My Boyfriend is the Girlfriend!

Hi,

I have a dilemma and I hope that you will be able to help me.

Almost 2 years ago I met this guy in school. I am 22 years old and he is 25 years old. We started out as friends. After about a year of our acquaintance and friendship, he wrote me a letter saying that he's in love with me and that he wants to date me. He's a good guy but I wasn't sure if we would be compatible as boyfriend and girlfriend.

He is overly sensitive and I am not too sensitive, at least not as much as he is. We have been dating for almost a year now, and things haven't been all good, but not all bad either. For the past 10 months, we have been arguing quite often, about little things. He is overly sensitive and he gets upset over every little thing. Then, when he gets upset, I get irritated and angry!

When he is upset, he doesn't talk to me. Instead, he gets quiet and has an upset face and he waits for me to ask him what’s wrong, as if he wants to be pampered and babied. He’s supposed to be the man in this relationship! I denies being overly sensitive and won’t listen when I tell him. It seems like he has feminine qualities in him, he likes to hear gossip, knows what goes on with my friends and be involved in everything we do and say. He likes to be the center of attention.

He is good, loyal and caring guy and I love him and I want to be with him but I can't go on like this! Please tell me what to do or say to him.

Thank you.

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Hello!

Let me guess, this guy was raised by a single mother and he sits down to pee too?

I'm afraid to tell you that this is becoming more and more an issue for today's men and is based on what I call the "feminization of society". Men have no good role models these days and in fact, are looked down up by society as the creator of much of our ills. TV is especially egregious as it now views its primary audience as women and then gives feminine attributes to male characters! It’s very difficult for today’s men to learn what men are supposed to be and how they are supposed to act. Just 30 or 40 years ago, you'd never see someone like your boyfriend as other men (and women) wouldn't put up with it.

That knowledge doesn't help you much however. What is effectively happening is that your boyfriend is being the woman in your relationship, but not even doing it well. Thus, you have to be both the woman AND the man here! You have to hold up both parts of the relationship and frankly, that’s pretty tiring.

This guy needs to read my books as this is exactly the behavior I "correct" through them. As to what you can do, I suggest that's the first place to start. As dedicated as you are to trying to help him get this corrected, you just don’t have the experience. Further, you’re too close to the situation to be of help. He needs some outside influences in his life so he can learn how men look, act and respond. He needs to learn what a man’s role is in a relationship.

You should also direct him to our (free) discussion group at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/beingaman so that he can begin getting the male authority and perspective that he lacks from many sources. This is a very large, active discussion group and these are just the sorts of issues we deal with.

While I feel for you both, you need to understand that this really isn't his fault. He doesn't have any other models to follow! As you've already stated, he has other great qualities that you appreciate and if he could just start being the man of your dreams, you could also start being the woman of HIS dreams too.

Best regards...

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Have a love, relationship, sex or man/woman question? I answer all email. You can write to me at dwneder@beingman.com for answers. For more information about my books, "Being a Man in a Woman's World" (volume I & II), and other products visit: www.beingaman.com. Check out the discussion group at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/beingaman.

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