My Neighbor's Wife

Dr.

Ok, this isn't going to make me sound like a wonderful guy. There's this very attractive, very vibrant, very married woman who's a neighbor of mine. She’s a mother of 3, no less. Her husband travels a lot and leaves her home with the kids quite often. We've been neighbors for a few years but we've actually only started a friendly relationship recently. Anyway, she's started making statements to me like, "I have no life" or "I don't get a lot of attention" or the one that's got me thinking the most, "I forgot what it's like to have a sex life". That one was yesterday. Once she actually saw a girlfriend of mine that I've been seeing casually and she commented, "is that the best you can do?" My question is, are these just casual comments she's making to someone she's gotten friendly with or is she dropping hints?

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Hello!

First, I don't pass judgments on anyone else's life but my own. I don't know your circumstances and frankly, they aren't my business. What you choose to do, think, feel, believe, or whatever isn't for me to comment on moralistically; and thus, you don't need to apologize to me for anything. We're all friends here - and brothers - with a common focus: women.

Now, on to your questions.

Frankly, it sounds like she actually IS opening up the possibilities of something sexual here. As well, she obviously feels comfortable with you to talk to you this way.

Here's a fact about women: ANY woman will pursue sex and/or relations outside of her marriage (or relationship), given the right set of circumstances. This isn't my rule by the way - it is supported by historic fact. One great example: it was recently determined in a study that as many as 1/3 of all children born to English families at the turn of the 1900's were to fathers OTHER THAN THE HUSBAND! One out of three!!! There was some "pinch and tickle" going on behind hubby's back - and things are less restrictive for women today. There are many that believe that infidelity is right now at its highest rate in many hundreds of years. YOU do the math!

Other studies have shown than women are much more likely to pursue outside sexual relationships during the time they are most fertile (ovulation). There appears to be quite a bit of socio-evolutionary science going on here that I won't bore you with. Suffice it to say, this is an important fact you need to be aware of if you're going to try to move things further with this woman.

Specifically, if she is going to bang you, it's most likely to be when she is most fertile. WARNING: go back and re-read that sentence a few times, it is trying to tell you something: USE CONDOMS; and use them every single time - no exceptions.

If you want to move this on (and I suggest that you think long and hard about this as there are a TON of possible problems here) you'll need to learn her husband's patterns. Pay attention to when he is out of town, and her reaction to you when he is. Test the waters by telling her you sorry that she's alone and ask if she'd like to go out and have a drink. Anything other than an immediate "No!" is a good sign.

When you're out with her (and a babysitter is watching her kids), this is a good time to get her talking about her sex life. Ask her why it's dried up, and how she is coping with it. Come from the point of a concerned friend - not a boyfriend. This will help to put her at ease, and let her open up her real feelings to you.

Of course, you're going to have to let her move this on at her own pace. Sometimes you can push a single woman, but a married one - especially one so "dangerous" as to live next door to you, will have her own agenda.

Lastly, don't pay too much attention to what she has to say that isn't positive. In fact, watch her ACTIONS rather than listening to her words - they are more accurate.

Best regards...

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